'Help! I can't Breathe...'

Try to hold your breath for couple of minutes - 10 seconds, 20 seconds, 30 seconds ... difficult... starting to feel deprived of oxygen ... feeling suffocated ... cannot hold on more ... give up finally ... 

It is such a relief to get your breath back, isn't it! Feels divine!

Imagine if it is so difficult to hold your breath for few seconds, then what would it have meant for those two municipal workers who suffocated to death in that manhole, in the city two days back.

Yes, you heard it right, two workers died of asphyxia in that shit hole. Manual Scavenging is banned in the country but that did not prevent the contractor to force one of the workers to get down inside the manhole, with no safety gadgets whatsoever, to clear the blockage in the drain of one of the houses on the other side of the road. 

Apparently the house belonged to someone 'important' hence instead of checking the blockage from the house, the contractor chose the manhole route. When the worker got trapped inside the manhole, the contractor panicked and tried to escape. A fellow worker who tried to rescue him also fell in the hole and both of them did not survive.

The news in the next day's daily was published, few read and soon after it was forgotten. 

The contractor will go scot-free after the issue dies out, in all probability. Reality is that no one gives a damn to those poor souls who passed away.

Last year around the same time of the year two workers had died under similar circumstances when they stepped into a 15 foot deep manhole in East Bangalore. And even the year before that, two workers suffocated to death in a sewage drain at M.G. Road, one of the top locations of the city. The apathy is very clear.

'Help! I can't breathe...' they would have tried to cry out loud but their voice and lives would have been snuffed out of utter suffocation.

I shudder to think of their final moments. What a horrible end ... 

Shame on us, Shame on this city !!!

As we go to local municipal elections tomorrow, can we stop for a minute and think about these workers who are treated like guinea pigs in keeping this great city functioning and ensuring that all the 'shit' remains under the 'ground'.

It is so surprising that in a country where we even worship animals, we deny fellow human beings of not only a dignified life, but also a dignified death.

Why Can't Men Cook !

No, no, this is not a question that I am trying to answer. You must have noticed the exclamatory mark after the title line.

Consider this...

Storm in the Tea Cup...

My wife loves tea...but only if it is made by me. Somehow I seem to have the magic recipe for the tea that she loves and likes so much that every other tea is tasteless for her. I on my part love making a cup of hot tea for her every morning and evening.

Cut to an odd evening...some guests have dropped in home. after usual pleasantries, as is the custom in most Indian homes, tea and snacks need to be served and the rest of the conversation pretty much continues over those delectable. I insist on making the tea. We have an open kitchen in our home. So the tea that I am making is very much in the full view of our guests lounged in the living room. As I make tea and serve the same, my guest seem to be visibly restless, especially a middle aged women among them. At first I do not seem to understand the cause of their restlessness, but then I figure it out. They are feeling slightly embarrassed at the fact that the 'man' of the house is actually serving them tea. This routine in their view is reserved for my wife.  I wonder what is so big deal, however for them it seems to be! But for appearing rude, I felt like putting back those tea cups in the kitchen without them having touched them.

What's Cooking!

In our household there are no work boundaries between me and my wife and no one is really helping when one is doing a job. That is supposed to be done, that's it! The same applies to cooking. Cooking for us is a more functional job and we share it among both of us. But I have seen some members of my extended family, relatives feeling a bit embarrassed if the cooking for that day has been done by me. They seem to be sympathizing at my labour and also do not forget to subtly suggest to my wife that she is really 'smart' (that she could pass the buck!).  However when my wife does all the cooking, which unfortunately she has to do more times than me, no one seems bothered.

I just don't get it...why can't men cook! What is so big deal if they share household jobs. After all everyone lives in that house and shares the benefits!

Why should women always cook and serve?
Does it hurt the self esteem of men if they share this job?
Then, should it be assumed that women have lower respect than men?

If the answer to any one of the above questions is in affirmation, then that person definitely suffers from a mindset  that puts men on pedestal and denigrates women.

Surprisingly it is not only men in our culture who suffer from such mindset, it's also WOMEN. That is saddest part of this reality. Many women still think that men really slip off the assumed 'pedestal' if they cook or serve! C'mon...

b'Ad' Promotion

Few days back I heard a AD (advertisement over radio), that went something like this -
A man asks his wife what would she wish if God granted her three wishes. To this wife expresses three wishes that in some way suggest that she would ask her man to help her in the kitchen. Every time she makes a wish, the man makes sounds of disapproval, and by the end of the third wish the man sounds as if fainting in disgust. A baritone voice comes at this juncture that goes like ...'Women need help in kitchen. That is why we have designed a kitchen sink that has...' whatever blah! blah! features.

Consider the assumptions made in the Ad.
a) Place for women is kitchen.
b) Women always need men to help them.  (else they can't do their jobs).
c) Men feel wasted if they are asked to do kitchen stuff!
d) Wife is a dimwit that she wastes God's grant to lowly kitchen jobs.

Whereas the reality is -
a) The man in the ad is a lazy bum.
b) He is also insensitive to the fact that his wife is slogging out in the kitchen alone.
c) The wife is driven so crazy that she needs almighty's help to bail her out out of this lonely daily grind!
d) Not her man but a product comes to her rescue. Alas!

Another recent radio ad of some pre-mixed spices has a punchline- 'now even men can cook'.

Really!

No wonder ads are made like this...after all they are made by 'similar' people for appealing to the majority having a mindset that we just talked about.

cHANGe

Can this mindset change? I believe it can but it will still take a long time before real change happens. But for that to happen, I believe the change has to start from women. Women have to stop assuming that cooking or for that matter any household job is only their responsibility and that if men do the same they are belittled. And, that if men help in the house, they are being magnanimous. 'Sorry ladies they are not! It's also their job and it is anyone's job who is living in that house. If fruits are shared by everyone, the labout also must be! Start believing, for only when you believe, that the other gender will take note and change.'

One last thing...
Ladies who are homemakers also work! For God's sake stop assuming that only those 'who' go out to work are doing a job. The lady in the house is doing a 24/7, 365 days job with no salary, leaves, benefits, increments or promotions. Just because a lady is a homemaker does not mean that she has no work and that she must toil alone in the house. Not acceptable. Homemaker works and does the toughest job on planet earth in an office called home. 'And other people in the house, how come you forget teamwork when you come back home!'

This time again...Ladies do not rest, till it is cool for Men to Cook! :-)

Dream turns Sore, Poor Girl No More...

Dream turned nightmare for the poor four year girl who lost her life in the recent car crash. Tucked cozily in her mom's lap, travelling in her Dad's 'small' car, she was critically injured when it crashed against Hema's 'Big' Merc. 

Hema a famous yesteryear actress dubbed by many as 'dream girl' and now a politician/MP was rushed to the best hospital immediately, while the 'four year old' lay bleeding alongside her family injured in the crash. The crucial time lost in taking her to hospital reportedly cost her precious life. 

Neither Hema, who comparatively escaped with minor injuries, nor the doctor who rushed her to hospital for once thought about the kid that she too needed urgent medical attention. As if this was not enough, Hema squarely blamed the girl's dad for the accident and for the death of the child, despite the fact that her driver has been booked for rash driving. Under fire for leaving the four year old behind to die, Hema did not lose an opportunity to claim her innocence before even the family could grieve death of their baby. 

This gross insensitivity shook me and many... Hema how could you do this? You are a 'dream' no more! You and your car were no dream to the little girl and her family. It was a horrible nightmare for them.

Hema should thank her stars that she was in a Merc having international safety features that saved her life. The poor girl and her family were not so lucky and got badly hit in their humble 'Alto'.

However this should not come as a surprise. Pandering to the rich, famous and powerful is common in this nation. India claimed by many as a land of equals is more equal for some! 

Else, how do you explain holding-up entire aircraft full of 'ordinary' passengers and delaying the flight to accommodate a late minister? And not once, at least two times in the recent past. In one case even some legitimate passengers were offloaded from the aircraft to accommodate the minister!

Else, how do you explain a famous actor running down pavement dwellers in an inebriated state and even after evidence clearly against the actor, the case running for 13 long years with still no signs of justice?

These are just recent top of the mind recalls. There are countless such incidents in our country. Ask anyone on the street and he/she will definitely have at least one similar incident to narrate.

Who to Blame?

The blame for the VIP culture in India cannot be put only on the VIPs. The blame also lies with all of us. Had we not been servile and pandered the ugly protruding egos of such people, then such culture will not flourish.

The doctor who forgot the four year old kid in his bid to show his utter servility to Hema or the airline officers who meekly held the aircraft for the minister or the several on streets and social media who instead of showing sensitivity towards the poor helpless dead pavement dweller & his family, brashly supported the star actor - we are the ones to blame more.

Exception is not a rule! Unfortunately...

Not every rich and powerful is a jerk and not every middle class or poor in this nation is a servile...however unfortunately they are heavily outnumbered by those who either shamelessly wear their status on their sleeves or by those who lick those sleeves crawling on their knees.

'It is nice to be important, but it is more important to be nice!' - this wise old adage cuts very little ice with majority in this nation. 

Alas!

RIP four year old angel - you are in a better world! May fairies hold you in their lap and sing you beautiful melodies. You will have no bad 'dream' there!

Drive Slow !

My old car was having some overheating issues. I was advised to drive the car slowly till that time that the problem is rectified. Hence my speed dropped down to an average of around 50 km/hr. The drop in speed meant that I was moving much slower than most vehicles on road. With lane system non-existent in India, that also meant that cars, trucks, buses overtaking me from right, from left every now and then.

Frankly driving slow changed my perception in a way. Although I applaud myself for my driving skills and can really negotiate fast and tough, but for the first time really I was enjoying my drive and there was a smile on my face.

I put the air conditioner off, rolled down the windows and the cool morning breeze, music playing on the car stereo everything seemed so lovely. I was no more rushing as I usually did. The cars running past me appeared to be in a 'race' and I was no more in that. While I was never losing sight of the destination, the journey seemed equally enjoyable. Driving slow was almost therapeutic, both for me and for my car.

What was even wonderful was that I was reaching my university in the usual time. There was no delay.  Surprise! I thought I will be late, but I wasn’t.

Life mirrors roads and most of us seem to be on the fast lane, rushing, racing, at times even cutting lanes, jumping signals in a mad rush to reach our destination.  In the midst of all this we forget to enjoy the ‘journey’ - pick some ‘cool breeze’ on the way, enjoy the ‘sun rise’ and the ‘sun set’, the ‘clouds’, ‘rains’ and catch an innocent smile of a child, hum a ‘song’... the journey can be so enchanting.

But then we seem consumed with destination. More of everything and more of more…destination seems like a shifting target. In the end it is like a mirage, and we like the desert’s lost travelers.  We just never get there because we never targeted a goal; we just wanted more and more.

As a result our body ends up like my car – over heated, over stressed and on the brink of a breakdown. Only like for my car, no one is there to warn us to slow down a bit in our life. Hence we keep revving our muscles, nerves and bones till they ‘wear out’ and ‘breakdown’.

For a moment, stop and think… and in case you see what I do then atleast for sometime... Drive Slow !

(Also suggest reading 'Stress kills: Father remembers son, a Goldman Sachs analyst, who died at 22' @ http://www.hindustantimes.com/world-news/stress-kills-father-remembers-son-a-goldman-sachs-analyst-who-died-at-22/article1-1354791.aspx )

Do Poor lack Values?

Valuable or less valuable, anything goes missing in an average household, the first and the usual suspect is the housemaid. ‘She must have stolen it’ – this is what most residents of that household say with utmost confidence. To add more credence to their theory they also add – ‘I saw her lurking suspiciously for no reason yesterday. She must be contemplating the same.’ At times the maid is even quizzed or indirectly made to feel that she is the suspect, much to her embarrassment.

Parallel search for that object continues and one would agree that 95% of the times that object is found in the house itself, that someone kept carelessly or too carefully, and then blissfully forgot about the same.

The missing has been found and everyone is happy in the house, but the poor maid? Her self-respect has been crushed once more by her suspecting rich employers. No one feels any need to even say sorry to the poor soul who stays with the blemish and lives with the stigma ever after that she was called a thief, when she was innocent.

Ditto happens in many offices and the suspects more often than not are the petty workers. 

Does being poor means being less honest?

Do most of us somewhere deep down feel that less privileged people lack values and cannot be trusted?

Few days back, I encountered an acclaimed academician's piece of advice for his alma mater from where he graduated 5 decades back. His advice startled me. His alma mater known for being very sophisticated and traditionally open to kids of the elite, after decades of exclusivity was opening doors to less privileged students coming from lower economic strata.

He wrote...

“Traditionally our institution has been known for the kind of values that our students are endowed with. However now that we have decided to open our doors for the less-privileged we have to more careful. These students coming from poor families may not have that kind of access and hence may not have the kind of values that our students generally have. It is philanthropic that we have decided to open our doors for the poor boys and girls but we must do extra diligence to ensure that the values are instilled in them.”

Clearly the assumption is that boys and girls who come from poor families do not have good values and they need to be educated on the same as well. This reflects the same mindset?

How far is this true?

Recent disclosures by Swiss authorities show how some India’s rich industrialists are stashing away millions in foreign banks to evade tax.  The size of India’s black money market is enough to make you feel a bit dizzy. A World Bank report puts India’s shadow economy at close to one-fifth of economic output. Obviously poor people did not stash away these millions in foreign banks; and those rich people who did surely will not score very high on values.

A survey conducted by National Council of Applied Economic Research (NCAER) shows that an average urban household in India pays around Rs 4,400 annually as bribe, while rural households have to shell out Rs 2,900. How can people laden with values pay and accept bribes?

All this cannot be the product of high values; and all those people are not poor.

Government defines BPL (below poverty line) as those whose average monthly per capita expenditure is not more than Rs. 816/- in rural areas and Rs. 1000/- in urban areas. That is much lower than the bribe being paid.

Wait! We must not give rise to another stereotyped perception here that all rich people lack values. As much as this is not true, can then it be conclusively decided that those devoid of riches are devoid of values as well?

Think…

Wish I was a little foolish...

Understanding the psyche of people and understanding the motives behind the behaviour people can be immensely insightful and helpful but can also be very disconcerting at times. Social psychologists attempt to explain human behaviour as a result of interaction between mental state of a person and social situations. Hence every behaviour that a person is exhibiting has a motive and he/she may be conscious, sub-conscious or unconscious about it.

Being a social psychology academic myself and teaching human resource behaviour and management to business students and researchers, studying these motives and behaviour becomes an effortless exercise. The result could be helpful in understanding people and their real intentions. 

This is academically a great skill to master. However what it also does is make you a bit alienated from the society. Let me explain.

Most people say, act or behave in a way that, though guided by their motives, is masked under tact, courtesy or deceit. While tact and courtesy are socially acceptable, deceit is spiteful.

Understanding those motives peels off the mask and exposes the real face of the ‘actor’. This where the problem starts, especially where motives though clever are not hurtful or resentful. Being guarded with people who can cause you potential damage or loss is rewarding; this also makes you guarded against people who though armed with clever motives, have no intention to cause you hurt. The resultant could be social alienation.

Being an academic and a researcher has its trade-offs. It can teach you to be insightful and but robs simplicity out of your life.

This where I envy my better half Vandana. She comes across as a simple person, one who I feel has a heart so clear that even the mountain stream would blush and has a natural way of mingling with people. She has a magnetic simplicity about her demeanour that makes people feel charmed and unthreatened. 

Her unassuming and unpretentious nature is her biggest strength. Perhaps this is why she receives any new person she meets with the same belief, in a completely non-judgemental fashion. She is smart to notice and recover from not so pleasant experiences with some people, but she also makes great friends. And those who become her friends have this ‘will do anything for you’ kind of attitude towards her. That is so amazing!

I don’t think I have her simple way of looking at this world. My vision is too ‘wise’.

There is a value in being able to penetrate the obvious but then it becomes difficult to run with unbridled joy, fearlessly and many times aimlessly.

I so wish if I was a little foolish...

The Illusion of Struggle

Everyone has a 'struggle' story...those difficult years when nothing was working right; we were young, restless and not so successful, and the world had not been conquered as yet; the people around were indifferent and at times not so kind...

Sounds familiar? Not surprising, since all of us, almost all of us have a similar story!

And most of us love remembering this story and recalling and retelling it with fondness, all our life. 

We hold on to this story and it goes with us to our graves.

Yet, many other happier and better times are not remembered with  so much effort ... 

Why?

The reason is very simple, yet intriguing. For most of us, our struggle defines us. They give meaning to our life and define our existence. They on one hand help us to self-pity  and also draw sympathy from our 'listeners'; on the other hand help us to show others how brave we have been, how we emerged from the 'ashes'. The impact is so 'romantic'.

This romanticism is something, most of us love and hence hold-on to our 'struggle years' story'. This becomes even more romantic when one makes it very big in public life. Then this story is the clincher and grabs headlines and prime-time media attention.

Everyone loves it!

However what most of us do not realize is that this story of struggle is an illusion and the more we drool over the same, the bigger & tougher it sounds. In reality everyone has to work towards something that one wants to achieve. The path is target dependent. Hence if one had no ambition, the path simply would not have been there. We chose the path, since we chose what we wanted to have in the first place. The path is unpredictable, since environmental variables keep altering. And most of us know or atleast can predict the obstacles on the way to  our goal.

In short, there is nothing like struggle.

I know, most of us will like to believe the contrary. That is understandable. After all we have grown on fairy tales, so why not have one of ours' :-)