Why Can't Men Cook !

No, no, this is not a question that I am trying to answer. You must have noticed the exclamatory mark after the title line.

Consider this...

Storm in the Tea Cup...

My wife loves tea...but only if it is made by me. Somehow I seem to have the magic recipe for the tea that she loves and likes so much that every other tea is tasteless for her. I on my part love making a cup of hot tea for her every morning and evening.

Cut to an odd evening...some guests have dropped in home. after usual pleasantries, as is the custom in most Indian homes, tea and snacks need to be served and the rest of the conversation pretty much continues over those delectable. I insist on making the tea. We have an open kitchen in our home. So the tea that I am making is very much in the full view of our guests lounged in the living room. As I make tea and serve the same, my guest seem to be visibly restless, especially a middle aged women among them. At first I do not seem to understand the cause of their restlessness, but then I figure it out. They are feeling slightly embarrassed at the fact that the 'man' of the house is actually serving them tea. This routine in their view is reserved for my wife.  I wonder what is so big deal, however for them it seems to be! But for appearing rude, I felt like putting back those tea cups in the kitchen without them having touched them.

What's Cooking!

In our household there are no work boundaries between me and my wife and no one is really helping when one is doing a job. That is supposed to be done, that's it! The same applies to cooking. Cooking for us is a more functional job and we share it among both of us. But I have seen some members of my extended family, relatives feeling a bit embarrassed if the cooking for that day has been done by me. They seem to be sympathizing at my labour and also do not forget to subtly suggest to my wife that she is really 'smart' (that she could pass the buck!).  However when my wife does all the cooking, which unfortunately she has to do more times than me, no one seems bothered.

I just don't get it...why can't men cook! What is so big deal if they share household jobs. After all everyone lives in that house and shares the benefits!

Why should women always cook and serve?
Does it hurt the self esteem of men if they share this job?
Then, should it be assumed that women have lower respect than men?

If the answer to any one of the above questions is in affirmation, then that person definitely suffers from a mindset  that puts men on pedestal and denigrates women.

Surprisingly it is not only men in our culture who suffer from such mindset, it's also WOMEN. That is saddest part of this reality. Many women still think that men really slip off the assumed 'pedestal' if they cook or serve! C'mon...

b'Ad' Promotion

Few days back I heard a AD (advertisement over radio), that went something like this -
A man asks his wife what would she wish if God granted her three wishes. To this wife expresses three wishes that in some way suggest that she would ask her man to help her in the kitchen. Every time she makes a wish, the man makes sounds of disapproval, and by the end of the third wish the man sounds as if fainting in disgust. A baritone voice comes at this juncture that goes like ...'Women need help in kitchen. That is why we have designed a kitchen sink that has...' whatever blah! blah! features.

Consider the assumptions made in the Ad.
a) Place for women is kitchen.
b) Women always need men to help them.  (else they can't do their jobs).
c) Men feel wasted if they are asked to do kitchen stuff!
d) Wife is a dimwit that she wastes God's grant to lowly kitchen jobs.

Whereas the reality is -
a) The man in the ad is a lazy bum.
b) He is also insensitive to the fact that his wife is slogging out in the kitchen alone.
c) The wife is driven so crazy that she needs almighty's help to bail her out out of this lonely daily grind!
d) Not her man but a product comes to her rescue. Alas!

Another recent radio ad of some pre-mixed spices has a punchline- 'now even men can cook'.

Really!

No wonder ads are made like this...after all they are made by 'similar' people for appealing to the majority having a mindset that we just talked about.

cHANGe

Can this mindset change? I believe it can but it will still take a long time before real change happens. But for that to happen, I believe the change has to start from women. Women have to stop assuming that cooking or for that matter any household job is only their responsibility and that if men do the same they are belittled. And, that if men help in the house, they are being magnanimous. 'Sorry ladies they are not! It's also their job and it is anyone's job who is living in that house. If fruits are shared by everyone, the labout also must be! Start believing, for only when you believe, that the other gender will take note and change.'

One last thing...
Ladies who are homemakers also work! For God's sake stop assuming that only those 'who' go out to work are doing a job. The lady in the house is doing a 24/7, 365 days job with no salary, leaves, benefits, increments or promotions. Just because a lady is a homemaker does not mean that she has no work and that she must toil alone in the house. Not acceptable. Homemaker works and does the toughest job on planet earth in an office called home. 'And other people in the house, how come you forget teamwork when you come back home!'

This time again...Ladies do not rest, till it is cool for Men to Cook! :-)

Cleanliness is a Mindset!

Another 'hatchback' in front of my car... today morning held familiar sights of traffic and the calisthenics on road. No need or scope to overtake the car in front of me, I kept tailing the same. Suddenly, came flying the banana peels out of the window. So it must be breakfast in the car! No wonder, busy life in a bustling metro would leave no time for food. Only problem, human beings are not expected to behave like the wild and untamed. Banana peels thrown by the 'patrons' inside the car further contributes to the growing filth and nonsense on the road.

Much to the contrary of Clean India Campaign launched by the PM, everything seems to be going much like before. People are shamelessly littering public places, throwing paper, fruit peels and other dirt missiles out of buses, cars and trucks. It must be a familiar sight for many to see your neighbour stealthily emptying their dustbin at the corner of the lane or street in the wee hours of the morning. And the happiness on their face after doing that is so immeasurable. Mission accomplished!!

Sweeping it under the rug?

The Clean India campaign has been interpreted mostly in the manner that defies logic. Apparently we are supposed to visit various localities, take a broom in our hand and start cleaning-up the city. Well, then what would all the staff recruited by the city municipal corporations do? They are sure to enjoy this and get paid with no work for them - this time publicly mandated. Many school kids, office staffs have been directed to compulsorily sweep dirty localities. Frankly, nothing has changed on the ground. In one case, one school kid that I know from a city in the western part of India contracted a lung infection because of this cleanliness drive.

Do I have an ego issue in donning a broom. No, that would be completely incorrectly interpreting this article. Its not that. We as citizens are definitely responsible for keeping our surrounding clean. However cleanliness like the current drive suggests is not doing taking-up someone else's job. 

Cleanliness is in the mindset.

I have often wondered does it cost too much to keep our place clean. Yesterday, passing by a humble eatery I noticed how the plastic chairs, floor, the plastic water jug kept on the table were all unclean. A simple wipe of the cloth everyday would have been enough to keep them tidy. The curtain hiding kitchen was half pulled away. The walls were donning black oil & spice smudges and blotches. Would that cost a lot of money to keep the walls clean?

You go to even happening street in Bangalore like M.G. Road, Church Street etc. and it will be no wonder to find a unnoticed burst sewage pipe oozing out black smelly water spreading over the lane making it difficult for pedestrians to walk or watching so called educated, rich people throwing around waste unabashedly on the roads. 

Despite all this filth around, you can see people standing and enjoying 'gol-gappas', 'chat' and other foody delights on roadside. I cannot imagine how people even feel like eating with all the litter and smell around. May be there is something wrong with me. I guess. I  and people like me will be told the same thing in this country. 

It's all in the mindset. Do we really love cleanliness?

Why go far? Personal hygiene is not of very high standards in this country. Barring few, others seem to enjoy remaining untidy. And when I say this, I am not even being critical! On a lighter note, it is interesting to note that between 2009 and 2014, the market size of deos jumped from Rs 500 crore to Rs 2,300 crore in India.

Years back in 2011, much before this campaign was launched I had mentioned this mindset in my blog ( read - Clean Homes, Dirty Streets).

The key to keep India  clean is to change this mindset of the majority. That will take much more intense effort than the cosmetic acts, that at best are good photo-ops. Remember the age old adage - Charity (we can change this to Cleanliness) begins at home!

Will that happen? Are we serious? I am unsure. I reckon till then we have to keep-up with banana peels.