Understanding the psyche of people and understanding the
motives behind the behaviour people can be immensely insightful and helpful but
can also be very disconcerting at times. Social psychologists attempt to
explain human behaviour as a result of interaction between mental state of a
person and social situations. Hence every behaviour that a person is exhibiting
has a motive and he/she may be conscious, sub-conscious or unconscious about
it.
Being a social psychology academic myself and teaching human
resource behaviour and management to business students and researchers,
studying these motives and behaviour becomes an effortless exercise. The result
could be helpful in understanding people and their real intentions.
This is academically
a great skill to master. However what it also does is make you a bit alienated from
the society. Let me explain.
Most people say, act or behave in a way that, though guided
by their motives, is masked under tact, courtesy or deceit. While tact and
courtesy are socially acceptable, deceit is spiteful.
Understanding those motives peels off the mask and exposes
the real face of the ‘actor’. This where the problem starts, especially where
motives though clever are not hurtful or resentful. Being guarded with
people who can cause you potential damage or loss is rewarding; this also makes
you guarded against people who though armed with clever motives, have no
intention to cause you hurt. The resultant could be social alienation.
Being an academic and a researcher has its trade-offs. It
can teach you to be insightful and but robs simplicity out of your life.
This where I envy my better half Vandana. She comes across
as a simple person, one who I feel has a heart so clear that even the mountain
stream would blush and has a natural way of mingling with people. She has a
magnetic simplicity about her demeanour that makes people feel charmed and unthreatened.
Her unassuming and unpretentious nature is her biggest strength. Perhaps this
is why she receives any new person she meets with the same belief, in a completely
non-judgemental fashion. She is smart to notice and recover from not so pleasant
experiences with some people, but she also makes great friends. And those who
become her friends have this ‘will do anything for you’ kind of attitude
towards her. That is so amazing!
I don’t think I have her simple way of
looking at this world. My vision is too ‘wise’.
There is a value in being able to penetrate the obvious but
then it becomes difficult to run with unbridled joy, fearlessly and many times
aimlessly.
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