Why Naseer can never be Khanna, Bachchan or Rajnikanth?

There are two ways to celebrate your success or achievements. One is to look at what you have achieved with a sense of satisfaction and at the same time genuinely appreciate what others around you have achieved. Even if others’ achievements are not as impeccable as yours’ but respecting them for being there and taking their shot! That’s a true hero and a person who is not really thinking that his success should come at the cost of others’ failures. He does not need a contrasting background to shine on the fore.

But then there are a lot others’ who use their success or achievements to run down others, belittle others and derive sadist pleasure out of the same. Their sense of happiness comes not from their success as much as it comes from the fact that others have not achieved as much and that they can use their success to ridicule others. 

Most of the times such people’ judgements are also flawed about their own achievements or calibre. They ignorantly inflate their achievements and do not think anyone is really more capable or brighter than them. The flaw in their judgements creeps because of two reasons – one their penchant for seeking failure for others to outshine; and second that they are so blinded by their arrogance that they see nothing beyond them. They are usually also frustrated by the success of others. Such lot of people are always unhappy and discontented. They spread negativity and have a pessimistic outlook towards almost everything and towards fellow beings.

We find both kinds of people in every profession. The one’s belonging to the latter category are the biggest disengagers in any organization for they ‘mow’ down others to prove their credentials.

Nasser’s recent calling out Rajesh Khanna a 'poor actor' and before that calling Amitabh Bachchan a commodity, not an actor reflects very poorly of him. 

No one can deny that Naseeruddin Shah is a very accomplished actor but he definitely has not seen the kind of stardom that Rajesh Khanna or Amitabh or for that matter our very own Rajnikanth has seen. Naseer has done fabulous movies and we still love them, but then his commercial success was always limited. Is this venting out of same frustration? No one should forget that although Naseer has been choosy about the films that he does, but occasionally he has lowered his bar in an attempt to bask in commercial success by doing movies like Mohra, Tridev, Vishwatma etc. Although these movies were successful, yet commercial stardom continued to elude Naseer.

On the other hand actors like ‘Rajesh Khanna, Amitabh Bachchan, Rajnikanth’ have not only impressed people by their acting prowess but also achieved dizzy heights of stardom that very few people can dream of! They have given some of the most memorable films to the industry. For these ‘three’ it will not be even wrong to say that they have at times carried very average scripts on their shoulders and have pulled them of because of their inimitable style and acting. 

Yet both Amitabh and Rajnikanth have \always downplayed their acting skills and attributed their success to the hardwork of others - their directors, script writers, technicians, and co-actors. Some cynics may even label this gesture of two legendary actors as display of humility in public but even if that is any way true, this is far better than pulling down your colleagues, who have done no harm to you, in public.

Now who is a greater actor is a losing argument, since each one of them be it Rajesh, Amitabh, Rajni or Naseer, have given their unique flavour to Indian cinema and the audience would have been poorer to lose any of them.

Naseer’s scathing attacks on Amitabh and now on Rajesh Khanna has lowered his stature from that of a true hero who celebrates success of others as much he does his own. Naseer might be a great actor but he will never be a true hero.

Sorry Naseer, You just lost one more fan!  And yes before I sign off, here some entertainment for all of you, courtesy Naseer Bhai. (Don't think though, Naseer will be particularly proud of his acting with this song in his profile) -

Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn; You Never Lose.

Inscribed in my son's school, this message is a brilliant motto as well as lesson of life. You can find these treasures only in schools. That is why they say 'Go |Back to School' to people who have long completed their formal education and are somewhere lost in the waves of life. Perhaps this is why they also say 'School of Thought' adding Old or New as a prefix to denote the obsolete and contemporary. School in real terms tells one about the world and the life, their meaning and philosophy.

Thomas Alva Edison developed close to 10000 unsuccessful prototypes of bulb before he developed the first commercially viable electric bulb. When asked about his so many failures, Edison was quoted as saying - “I have not failed 10,000 times. I have not failed once. I have succeeded in proving that those 10,000 ways will not work. When I have eliminated the ways that will not work, I will find the way that will work.”

Most people find it more difficult to handle failure than success. However the truth is that success seldom teaches you anything, although everyone including me will want success to happen. Success can spoil people if it goes over their head. Failure on the other hand always carries a lesson with it. Learning or not learning from that is our choice, often determined by our attitude. So while success is a milestone, failure in reality is the teacher. 

Winston Chruchill had once said - Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” 

J.K. Rowling the celebrated author of the famous series Harry Potter went through personal trials and tribulations and rejection from over 12 publishers before Harry Potter book saw the light of the day. The rest is history they say!

Despite failure being such a great teacher, it is seldom looked as one. Most people scorn those who fail; write them off and like to align with the rising sun. The one who fails often suffers from self-denigration and hopelessness. The failure turns into a loss and the 'failed' eventually turns into a loser. That pretty much pulls the curtains down.

Like most people most companies are also scared of failing. So much so that they try too hard not to fail at anything and if they do instead of learning from the same, try to take their eyes off it. Often success makes us blind to failures and we do not even want to acknowledge it.  

Toyota, a name that became synonymous to cars worldwide, became the victim of its own success. The case of unintended acceleration in some of its car model that killed close to 100 people in America, was attributed to serious technical flaws in the car. Toyota that prides itself for quality found it too difficult to admit that they had failed at something they boasted all these years. However as the investigation became more intense the results clearly showed that Toyota knew about those defects and had in fact misled US customers. In 2014 Toyota agreedto pay a staggering $1.2 billion to avoid prosecution for covering up severe safety problems with “unintended acceleration” and continuing to make cars with parts the FBI said Toyota “knew were deadly", according to court documents.

Toyota could have avoided breach of trust to its valued customers, loss of public image and brand equity and financial setbacks by plainly acknowledging failure and learning from it. Wonder why a company that institutionalized continuous improvements could not do so! Perhaps their overwhelming success in the past made them allergic to even the remotest idea that they had failed at something.

Aversion to learning from failure and too much attachment to past success can make people as well as companies risk averse and hence less creative.

On the other hand, companies that see failure as an opportunity to learn something new and build on the same foster a culture of risk taking, experimentation and creativity. Google rewards failure, Intuit hold failure parties and our very own Tata set up a 'best failed idea' award. The thought behind all these moves is very clear, these companies want to convert failures into opportunities of learning and by doing so they win more and succeed more.

Success is important, but it should not be seen nothing more than another milestone. Failure should not be seen as a loss, rather viewed as a lesson learnt. That way life for individuals as well as companies is an enjoyable journey that is full of excitement and adventure. People who view life as a destination often miss the point.

While success can engage, learning from failure can be engaging too. That way no one loses ever.

Student Suicides - Parents Share the Major Blame

I have lost count of the number of students who have told me that they did not wished to pursue engineering studies or chartered accountancy but they did so at the insistence of their parents, mostly by their dads. Being in academics and being a part of the admission panel for admitting students in the MBA program for the last about 16 years, I have had the opportunity of interacting with many young people pursuing their education. The vast majority who have told me similar tales is so huge, that I sometimes joke that I could have written a research paper on the same, if I had kept proper record of data.

But this is no laughing matter!

The manner in which young students are frustrated by the imposition and unrealistic expectations of their parents creates a 'pressure cooker' situation for them. The recent suicide of 17 year old girl (Kriti) at Kota is a stark and cruel reminder of the same. 

Kota a small city in the northern state of Rajasthan, once is both famous and infamous for being the epicentre of coaching institutes preparing students from all over the country for All India engineering admission competitive exams. It in itself is now a 300 Crore industry by now. Surviving on high selection rates in various premier engineering colleges they run a harsh regimen for the aspiring students. A 14 hour daily class schedule is not uncommon. The coaching institutes for justifying the high fees that they charge from the parents and competing for high selection rates treat the students as cattle and squeeze the hell out of them.

The combination effect of pressure from parents, their lack of interest in pursuing an engineering career and the pressure from the coaching institutes, where they are registered, becomes too much for them to bear. 

In this case, the girl sent by her parents to prepare for engineering competitive exams for admission into B.Tech. or BE program left a 5 page letter behind. She has very clearly mentioned in the letter that she wanted to pursue Bachelors of Science education and not engineering studies. "Feelings of inadequacy in comparison with peers, lagging behind study schedules and parental pressure are usually why most students commit suicide" -in the words of Superintendent of police, Kota city, SS Godara.

Confronted with a situation where she cannot choose her field of study, career and has to pursue something where her heart and mind is not there; yet she cannot backtrack from the same owing to pressure from her parents, she probably felt 'stuck'. Kriti is not the only case, the recent years have seen a spate of suicides among students. The sharp rise in number of cases is alarming. Agreed taking one's life is no solution and there is no way to justify the same. But then we cannot ignore the causes and the kind of havoc that it plays on these young minds. The result is mostly undesirable and sometimes very very tragic as in this case.

Coming back to my experience, I have seen through many students who have completed their engineering degree but now wish to move completely away from it by doing a different professional masters degree, usually in business administration. Some of them had been forced to pursue engineering studies and some had been forced to choose a particular branch of engineering, while they wanted chose some other. 

Engineering and medical careers continue to be perceived as the only honourable degrees and career choices by most parents. It is similar to Cricket being perceived as the only sport by millions of Indians. Status in society, family tradition and honour become the driving factors behind parents forcing their kids into these fields, despite the fact that their kids might not be interested in the same, or might not have aptitude for the same. The other exciting career choices are simply ignored, at least in India.

Whose Fault?
Well, I will put it squarely on the parents. Look at the amount of pressure that parents apply on their kids for securing high percentage during 10th and 12th exams. The kids are sent to countless tuitions, their social life and time with friends is severely curtailed, all in the name of competition. The result is mostly counter-productive. 

NIMHANS the premier center for treatment of mental disorders, including anxiety and depression has recently reported steep rise in the case of anxiety, OCD, depression related disorders in children and young adults.

Are we preparing our kids for becoming engineers, doctors or are we preparing them for life? 

Are we making them ready to face the world, deal with their lives and learn to handle both success and failures. Are we?

Parenting needs a huge makeover in the nation.

While parents share the major share of blame, society and schools cannot escape the blame as well. Indian schooling has often been regarded as competitive and Indian students do well in academics. But then I have a question.. why similar performance in not seen in higher education? What happens after school? Rote-based learning and exam based outcomes measures may help good marks on the transcript and lot of information packaging, but then it does not prepare them to take up the challenges of higher education that requires more skills than just mere knowledge; an innovative mind and ability to deal with problems and not just a 'ROM'.

What is the Solution?
Kriti will not come back... Such force, undue pressure, and imposition will not yield anything. The kids lose in a big way and so do the parents. In the end, it turns out to be a zero-sum game.

Parents must realize that career options are best explored and chosen by their kids based on their interest and flair. Parents should become partner in the process of this exploration and help their kids to chose their career wisely, rather than imposing their will on them.

Schools need to realize the role of counselling in preventing such crashes. The counselling must be done mostly for career and also for life; not only for the kids but also many a times of the parents. Schools need to hire the services of a professional counsellor, always. While some schools have done this, most have not.

What is the hitch?
Schools, parents are all creations of the larger society that we live and the culture that pervades the ecosystem. A society where failure is a taboo and success is often defined by Numbers (- initially it is marks and later  money) creates a mad blindfolded rat race. Marks and money do not hurt anyone, but making them as outcome measures of success and hence pursuit of the same leads to a tendency of low risk tolerance. Result - parents insisting that their kids tread the beaten path rather than than the new, innovative and equally rewarding career options. 

Kriti could have been saved... alas! it is too late. But then we can still prevent a lot of kids from meeting the same cruel fate as that of Kriti. 

Anyone listening...please!!!

Relationships and the Pivot of Fear

Most relationships are balanced on the pivot of fear.

A colleague was rushing through the evening one day for his home. Finding his rush quite unusual I asked him the reason for his unusual hurry. He quipped back – ‘Well! It is my wife’s birthday today. I have to buy cake, flowers and a present for her on the way and be there before 6.’ How romantic! I thought in my mind. But the very next moment he shattered my imagination. He added – ‘You know you have to do all this to keep your wife happy. If I forget any of these she will be very angry and for the next week or so I will not get a proper meal. She will remind me every time I complain that I have lost that right as I have chosen to take her for granted. Buddy I cannot lose my one week’s good meal after all…’ he added with a sneaky smile. So the man was buying his wife all the presents and flowers out of fear of losing his week’s good meal and comfort, rather doing it out of love and affection! Sadly the truth with most married couples. Very interestingly a recent research study reveals that wives becomes less stressed and husbands become more stressed after the death of their respective spouses. Sad.

When I was a regular student and doing my academics, classes used to be sacrosanct for me. Listening to the professor, taking down my own notes, drawing my own interpretations, asking questions and clarifying my doubts used to be very important for me. Learning from my peer’s notes would not give me same satisfaction. But sadly for many of my classmates, attending class was out of fear of attendance. Too many As (or absent) on the attendance sheet will make them ineligible for exams. So right at the beginning of the semester they will calculate the number of classes that they can miss at max. for each course and then plan those unforced ‘holidays’. Attending class for those classmates was out of fear of being declared 'not eligible' for exams and not for the love of learning and discovering.

A rich businessman every year donates gold and part of his riches to a famous spiritual institution. I asked him once the reason he does this ritual every year. He told me - 'I always fear losing everything one day as I have so many enemies. By sharing my wealth with God, I will be able to repent for my sins and not face his wrath. That way I have greater protection against my enemies.' I appreciated the businessman's frankness and but all through I thought he was doing this to enable the institution help the needy and the poor. Funnily, most people fear God more, love him far less.

Relationships built and balanced on the pivot of fear are insecure, confining, patronizing and binding. On the other hand, the relationships that are built on genuineness and love are secure, liberating, collaborative and believe in giving space to each other always. The former is built on need and lacks transparency; the latter is built on empathy, understanding and is brave and transparent.

True relationships are built and balanced on love and not on the pivot of fear. And those that are balanced on the pivot of fear find them crashing very soon. Relationships balanced on the pivot of fear never give real happiness to those who forge them.

So come out and remove all fear from all your relationships. The ones that you will retain were always the true ‘ones’ and the ‘ones’ that go away had to go anyway. The resulting happiness and love that you will experience will be unmeasurable.

But then for doing that you have to be brave and believe in love first.

Dark is Beautiful

Darkness is often abhorred as being evil or one that brings plight. But could it be subject to human bias and fear that he treats darkness with utter disgust and hatred.

Looking out from the huge window of the 17th floor of a residential tower at Thane, near Mumbai, I could see the place was in midst of chaotic urbanization. With tall buildings sprucing up from all over, the landscape was also dotted with a lot of old ramshackle buildings and temporary structures ready to be demolished, All in all it was not a very pretty sight with not much greenery in sight. The place appeared dusty and concretized. Scorching summer heat made it even more intense.

But behold your senses as the  evening rolled into night. The buildings were all lit up and one could see millions of lighted dots. The darkness had hidden all the ugliness of the town and the place appeared breathtakingly beautiful. As if on a dark velvet someone had pinched in millions of shining stars of all colours. Red, pink, yellow, golden, white - the twinkling lights did nothing less than amazement.

Most will credit the neon and bright electric for the superb canvas but it was actually darkness that had wrapped within itself all the ugliness of human misdoings and neglect, Not a word of complain and with no appreciation from any 'being' it quietly suffered its philanthropic deed.

Dark is beautiful, It gives light background and a chance to shine and bring hope. Dark is imperfect but its imperfection is its' beauty.

Dark is not ugly; the human tendency to take advantage of the unseen is!

So next time you see light and feel hopeful, do not forget that behind all this shine is the selfless dedication of the dark, the 'unsung'.

Breach of Trust

When Johnson & Johnson accepts that its baby care products have cancer causing chemicals, then it is nothing short of breach of trust. For being trusted by millions all over the world as ultimate care for their baby yet falling J&J short to deliver its' promise  it is breach of trust; for knowing well the dangerous chemicals used in manufacturing their products yet not only keeping quiet but promoting their products as safe for the tender skin of the baby, it is breach of trust; and, above all putting profits before human lives it is breach of trust.

Vijay Mallya for cheating his investors, partners, banks, employees (Kingfisher Airlines) and for stashing away millions for himself before running away from the country leaving others in lingering suspended animation and in a state of flux is breach of trust. from King of good times to the gang lord of cheats - Mallya has brought bad times to many. The law enforcement agencies being so naive so as not being able to catch hold of Mallya before he flees the country is also breach of trust of all those who have believed that the law will take its own course.

From Johnson & Johnson to Vijay Mallya, from US to India, all across the world, today we see so much lack of trust in the corporate sector. Governance is at all time low. 

Is the pressure from the stock market wolves, or a race to the top or a mad rush to make profits? 

Whatever it is, trust deficit is impacting consumer sentiments badly and depleting the faith of the public in general on the corporate and governmental institutions. Long term damages are far greater that might result in disengagement and disenchantment among people.

Time will never forgive the likes of Johnson & Johnson and Mallya.

Neerja, Spirit of Womanhood and the World

Neerja Bhanot, the braveheart airhostess in the 1986 ill-fated hijacked PAN AM flight, who was instrumental in saving lives of more than 300 passengers, while not caring for her life and ultimately dying in the line of duty is in limelight again after 30 years, thanks to the movie 'Neerja'.

A lady who was posthumously awarded bravery awards by 3 countries - India, Pakistan and US is being hailed as a symbol of courage.

There is no doubt that Neerja Bhanot personified bravery but she also personified unmeasurable compassion and kindness.

Her bravery award citations celebrated her incredible human kindness. She was the last to leave the plane but not lucky enough to get out alive. In the chaos that reined when terrorist went berserk and rained bullets indiscrimately on the passengers, she repeatedly checked the plane for anyone left out and finally finding herself between bullets and three kids whom she was trying to evacuate, she chose to come in the way. The bullets pierced her head and snuffed life out of her.

Why will someone do something like that? Which job pays enough for scarificing one's life? The truth is no job description or no compensation for a job in the world can ever explain or describe such behaviour.

What Neerja showed was not only bravery but incredible human kindness that put others, those who are complete strangers, before oneself to the extent of giving up one's life.

Neerja exemplified what womanhood stand for - a strong and brave heart that is filled with unmeasurable compassion and kindness.

As the world celebrates International Women's Day today, it needs much more than ever what Womanhood really stands for - Courage and Kindness...

Courage to stand by the truth and do what is right;

and,

compassion and kindness for fellow beings - treating someone as a human first and not label him by religion, region, colour or nationality.

Neerja is not a person or a movie - she is the spirit of womanhood that can make this world a much better place.