I have lost count of the number of students who have told me that they did not wished to pursue engineering studies or chartered accountancy but they did so at the insistence of their parents, mostly by their dads. Being in academics and being a part of the admission panel for admitting students in the MBA program for the last about 16 years, I have had the opportunity of interacting with many young people pursuing their education. The vast majority who have told me similar tales is so huge, that I sometimes joke that I could have written a research paper on the same, if I had kept proper record of data.
But this is no laughing matter!
The manner in which young students are frustrated by the imposition and unrealistic expectations of their parents creates a 'pressure cooker' situation for them. The recent suicide of 17 year old girl (Kriti) at Kota is a stark and cruel reminder of the same.
Kota a small city in the northern state of Rajasthan, once is both famous and infamous for being the epicentre of coaching institutes preparing students from all over the country for All India engineering admission competitive exams. It in itself is now a 300 Crore industry by now. Surviving on high selection rates in various premier engineering colleges they run a harsh regimen for the aspiring students. A 14 hour daily class schedule is not uncommon. The coaching institutes for justifying the high fees that they charge from the parents and competing for high selection rates treat the students as cattle and squeeze the hell out of them.
The combination effect of pressure from parents, their lack of interest in pursuing an engineering career and the pressure from the coaching institutes, where they are registered, becomes too much for them to bear.
In this case, the girl sent by her parents to prepare for engineering competitive exams for admission into B.Tech. or BE program left a 5 page letter behind. She has very clearly mentioned in the letter that she wanted to pursue Bachelors of Science education and not engineering studies. "Feelings of inadequacy in comparison with peers, lagging behind study schedules and parental pressure are usually why most students commit suicide" -in the words of Superintendent of police, Kota city, SS Godara.
Confronted with a situation where she cannot choose her field of study, career and has to pursue something where her heart and mind is not there; yet she cannot backtrack from the same owing to pressure from her parents, she probably felt 'stuck'. Kriti is not the only case, the recent years have seen a spate of suicides among students. The sharp rise in number of cases is alarming. Agreed taking one's life is no solution and there is no way to justify the same. But then we cannot ignore the causes and the kind of havoc that it plays on these young minds. The result is mostly undesirable and sometimes very very tragic as in this case.
Coming back to my experience, I have seen through many students who have completed their engineering degree but now wish to move completely away from it by doing a different professional masters degree, usually in business administration. Some of them had been forced to pursue engineering studies and some had been forced to choose a particular branch of engineering, while they wanted chose some other.
Engineering and medical careers continue to be perceived as the only honourable degrees and career choices by most parents. It is similar to Cricket being perceived as the only sport by millions of Indians. Status in society, family tradition and honour become the driving factors behind parents forcing their kids into these fields, despite the fact that their kids might not be interested in the same, or might not have aptitude for the same. The other exciting career choices are simply ignored, at least in India.
Whose Fault?
Well, I will put it squarely on the parents. Look at the amount of pressure that parents apply on their kids for securing high percentage during 10th and 12th exams. The kids are sent to countless tuitions, their social life and time with friends is severely curtailed, all in the name of competition. The result is mostly counter-productive.
NIMHANS the premier center for treatment of mental disorders, including anxiety and depression has recently reported steep rise in the case of anxiety, OCD, depression related disorders in children and young adults.
Are we preparing our kids for becoming engineers, doctors or are we preparing them for life?
Are we making them ready to face the world, deal with their lives and learn to handle both success and failures. Are we?
Parenting needs a huge makeover in the nation.
While parents share the major share of blame, society and schools cannot escape the blame as well. Indian schooling has often been regarded as competitive and Indian students do well in academics. But then I have a question.. why similar performance in not seen in higher education? What happens after school? Rote-based learning and exam based outcomes measures may help good marks on the transcript and lot of information packaging, but then it does not prepare them to take up the challenges of higher education that requires more skills than just mere knowledge; an innovative mind and ability to deal with problems and not just a 'ROM'.
What is the Solution?
Kriti will not come back... Such force, undue pressure, and imposition will not yield anything. The kids lose in a big way and so do the parents. In the end, it turns out to be a zero-sum game.
Parents must realize that career options are best explored and chosen by their kids based on their interest and flair. Parents should become partner in the process of this exploration and help their kids to chose their career wisely, rather than imposing their will on them.
Schools need to realize the role of counselling in preventing such crashes. The counselling must be done mostly for career and also for life; not only for the kids but also many a times of the parents. Schools need to hire the services of a professional counsellor, always. While some schools have done this, most have not.
What is the hitch?
Schools, parents are all creations of the larger society that we live and the culture that pervades the ecosystem. A society where failure is a taboo and success is often defined by Numbers (- initially it is marks and later money) creates a mad blindfolded rat race. Marks and money do not hurt anyone, but making them as outcome measures of success and hence pursuit of the same leads to a tendency of low risk tolerance. Result - parents insisting that their kids tread the beaten path rather than than the new, innovative and equally rewarding career options.
Kriti could have been saved... alas! it is too late. But then we can still prevent a lot of kids from meeting the same cruel fate as that of Kriti.
Anyone listening...please!!!
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