Do Poor lack Values?

Valuable or less valuable, anything goes missing in an average household, the first and the usual suspect is the housemaid. ‘She must have stolen it’ – this is what most residents of that household say with utmost confidence. To add more credence to their theory they also add – ‘I saw her lurking suspiciously for no reason yesterday. She must be contemplating the same.’ At times the maid is even quizzed or indirectly made to feel that she is the suspect, much to her embarrassment.

Parallel search for that object continues and one would agree that 95% of the times that object is found in the house itself, that someone kept carelessly or too carefully, and then blissfully forgot about the same.

The missing has been found and everyone is happy in the house, but the poor maid? Her self-respect has been crushed once more by her suspecting rich employers. No one feels any need to even say sorry to the poor soul who stays with the blemish and lives with the stigma ever after that she was called a thief, when she was innocent.

Ditto happens in many offices and the suspects more often than not are the petty workers. 

Does being poor means being less honest?

Do most of us somewhere deep down feel that less privileged people lack values and cannot be trusted?

Few days back, I encountered an acclaimed academician's piece of advice for his alma mater from where he graduated 5 decades back. His advice startled me. His alma mater known for being very sophisticated and traditionally open to kids of the elite, after decades of exclusivity was opening doors to less privileged students coming from lower economic strata.

He wrote...

“Traditionally our institution has been known for the kind of values that our students are endowed with. However now that we have decided to open our doors for the less-privileged we have to more careful. These students coming from poor families may not have that kind of access and hence may not have the kind of values that our students generally have. It is philanthropic that we have decided to open our doors for the poor boys and girls but we must do extra diligence to ensure that the values are instilled in them.”

Clearly the assumption is that boys and girls who come from poor families do not have good values and they need to be educated on the same as well. This reflects the same mindset?

How far is this true?

Recent disclosures by Swiss authorities show how some India’s rich industrialists are stashing away millions in foreign banks to evade tax.  The size of India’s black money market is enough to make you feel a bit dizzy. A World Bank report puts India’s shadow economy at close to one-fifth of economic output. Obviously poor people did not stash away these millions in foreign banks; and those rich people who did surely will not score very high on values.

A survey conducted by National Council of Applied Economic Research (NCAER) shows that an average urban household in India pays around Rs 4,400 annually as bribe, while rural households have to shell out Rs 2,900. How can people laden with values pay and accept bribes?

All this cannot be the product of high values; and all those people are not poor.

Government defines BPL (below poverty line) as those whose average monthly per capita expenditure is not more than Rs. 816/- in rural areas and Rs. 1000/- in urban areas. That is much lower than the bribe being paid.

Wait! We must not give rise to another stereotyped perception here that all rich people lack values. As much as this is not true, can then it be conclusively decided that those devoid of riches are devoid of values as well?

Think…

Wish I was a little foolish...

Understanding the psyche of people and understanding the motives behind the behaviour people can be immensely insightful and helpful but can also be very disconcerting at times. Social psychologists attempt to explain human behaviour as a result of interaction between mental state of a person and social situations. Hence every behaviour that a person is exhibiting has a motive and he/she may be conscious, sub-conscious or unconscious about it.

Being a social psychology academic myself and teaching human resource behaviour and management to business students and researchers, studying these motives and behaviour becomes an effortless exercise. The result could be helpful in understanding people and their real intentions. 

This is academically a great skill to master. However what it also does is make you a bit alienated from the society. Let me explain.

Most people say, act or behave in a way that, though guided by their motives, is masked under tact, courtesy or deceit. While tact and courtesy are socially acceptable, deceit is spiteful.

Understanding those motives peels off the mask and exposes the real face of the ‘actor’. This where the problem starts, especially where motives though clever are not hurtful or resentful. Being guarded with people who can cause you potential damage or loss is rewarding; this also makes you guarded against people who though armed with clever motives, have no intention to cause you hurt. The resultant could be social alienation.

Being an academic and a researcher has its trade-offs. It can teach you to be insightful and but robs simplicity out of your life.

This where I envy my better half Vandana. She comes across as a simple person, one who I feel has a heart so clear that even the mountain stream would blush and has a natural way of mingling with people. She has a magnetic simplicity about her demeanour that makes people feel charmed and unthreatened. 

Her unassuming and unpretentious nature is her biggest strength. Perhaps this is why she receives any new person she meets with the same belief, in a completely non-judgemental fashion. She is smart to notice and recover from not so pleasant experiences with some people, but she also makes great friends. And those who become her friends have this ‘will do anything for you’ kind of attitude towards her. That is so amazing!

I don’t think I have her simple way of looking at this world. My vision is too ‘wise’.

There is a value in being able to penetrate the obvious but then it becomes difficult to run with unbridled joy, fearlessly and many times aimlessly.

I so wish if I was a little foolish...

The Illusion of Struggle

Everyone has a 'struggle' story...those difficult years when nothing was working right; we were young, restless and not so successful, and the world had not been conquered as yet; the people around were indifferent and at times not so kind...

Sounds familiar? Not surprising, since all of us, almost all of us have a similar story!

And most of us love remembering this story and recalling and retelling it with fondness, all our life. 

We hold on to this story and it goes with us to our graves.

Yet, many other happier and better times are not remembered with  so much effort ... 

Why?

The reason is very simple, yet intriguing. For most of us, our struggle defines us. They give meaning to our life and define our existence. They on one hand help us to self-pity  and also draw sympathy from our 'listeners'; on the other hand help us to show others how brave we have been, how we emerged from the 'ashes'. The impact is so 'romantic'.

This romanticism is something, most of us love and hence hold-on to our 'struggle years' story'. This becomes even more romantic when one makes it very big in public life. Then this story is the clincher and grabs headlines and prime-time media attention.

Everyone loves it!

However what most of us do not realize is that this story of struggle is an illusion and the more we drool over the same, the bigger & tougher it sounds. In reality everyone has to work towards something that one wants to achieve. The path is target dependent. Hence if one had no ambition, the path simply would not have been there. We chose the path, since we chose what we wanted to have in the first place. The path is unpredictable, since environmental variables keep altering. And most of us know or atleast can predict the obstacles on the way to  our goal.

In short, there is nothing like struggle.

I know, most of us will like to believe the contrary. That is understandable. After all we have grown on fairy tales, so why not have one of ours' :-)

A for Auri

Ok. I know the title is puzzling you! But then that’s what prompted this post...

Aurindam (Auri) got an 'A' !!!

No, no, this is not a board result of a high-schooler. Yes, result but of a different kind…

Aurindam works for an Indian major dealing in watches and lifestyle products, in their watch service division. The annual PLP (Performance-Linked Pay) ratings have been announced. And, you guessed it right Aurindam got an ‘A’ rating, the best possible. It becomes even more special by the fact that only two employees got ‘A’ rating in the whole of East and North East India – that is a cool 9-10 states combined. Phenomenal, Aurindam deserves a standing ovation!

The larger point?

Well, there is nothing like a fair and transparent review of performance. Aurindam has been an outstanding worker to my personal knowledge but had a pretty tough last year, both on personal and professional fronts. Despite this his boss and peers stood by him in his hours of trial like a rock and supported him throughout. Aurindam on his part left no stone unturned to do his best, as always. The outcome has thrilled everyone.

It just goes on to emphasize that a supportive work environment, a supportive boss, a fair, objective and transparent performance review and rewarding the right person in the right manner at the right time, are perhaps the biggest engagers at work.

Keep it simple, guys! Engagement is not a rocket science.

And yes, for once raise a toast to Auri!

  

‘Three cheers man, way to go!!!’

Success ≠ Happiness (always)

> In a barbaric incident, a man was beaten to death in frontof his kids in a case heinous case of road rage in New Delhi. 

> Few days back amentally ill pilot of German Wings took down with him more than 150 unsuspecting passengers to dust and doom. The pilot had been diagnosed for having suicidal intentions earlier. Innocent lives were devastated by one man’s act of madness. 

> Couple of days back two pilots of Air India fought inside the cockpit during a flight. The co-pilot reportedly thrashed the pilot upon given certain instructions for work by the latter. For engaging in uncivil behaviour and for endangering the lives of hundreds of passengers on board, both pilots were derostered and inquiry is pending. 

Could they just be dismissed as separate stray indents of violence? A closer look reveals that all these incidents have one thing in common - People who engaged in extremely violent behaviour did so with little or no immediate provocation. Short fuse blowing up in a 'sudden death' is becoming common these days. Could this short fuse and sudden random violent behaviour be related to the worsening mental health of people?

The mental health statistics in India is worrisome and shows that a large percentage of people suffer from mental disorders. That should not be automatically equated with lunacy, but recognized like any other disease and treated. Unfortunately our social norms and perceptions are a barrier to the same. A World Health Organisation (WHO) report on suicides (2000-2012) puts India right on top of the list in Southeast Asia. In India 10.9 persons every lakh committ suicide; suicides being the second leading cause of death among people in the age group of 18-29 years. 

The rising levels of anxiety, stress, and depression is unwanted perk that comes with modern day living in an uncertain but busy world and uncertain but turbulent times. Most of the jobs these days are high stress ones, leaving very little to chance or margin for error. Jobs, organizations, institutions may disappear suddenly because of economic calamity or terror attacks. Modern day living also comes with zero personal space, very little privacy and high peer pressure on social media. 

Most of people live their life on EMIs. Loss of jobs suddenly means crashing of income and inability to pay EMI. That may mean doom for many. Health Stress is also at an all-time high. Number of young people with cardiac problems or high blood pressure has increased drastically. Audrey Tsui calls this ‘Cost of Rising Prosperity’.

Stress, anxiety and depression problems are not only in adults but also amongst kids. They face intense competition. A ‘Winner takes it all’ kind of culture has been created for them, mostly by parents and teachers who themselves faced with fast-paced competitive world think that their kids need to outperform every time. That creates undue high expectations from the kids, who many times crumble under pressure. The rising number of teen suicides is an ample testimony to the kind of pressures they are subjected to.

The vicious cycle of Anxiety, Stress and Depression is a silent killer till it all explodes one day. Worst, people either do not realize that they suffer from anxiety or stress or they fear to come out in the open for fear of social stigma. 

When Deepika Padukone, a famous Bollywood celebrity, openly talked about facing depression herself, the frailties of the modern world was exposed. Success always does not mean happiness as well. Deepika after all is one of the most successful stars. But kudos to her for coming out in the open and sharing with the world. That should motivate few more to do the same and seek solutions to their mental problems.

Stress and depression is like a silent bomb ticking away, waiting to explode. And when it does, it does so with devastating effect.  Effective measures are important to deal with the same. The measures may be both preventive and curative. 

However first recognizing poor mental health as an urgent pressing problem, not only at a media or thinker-group level but also at institutional and societal levels, is important. That will ease the social norms and make it safe for people to come out in the open and seek remedies for their mental health issues. 

It is important to remember that all it may take many time to relieve stress/anxiety may be a listening ear, a compassionate heart and a healing touch. Do not forget to extend that to whoever you can.

For more read, You Can Beat Your Stress

Beware!!! BigBasket.com Throws Customers Out of the Basket

Online grocery store Big Basket has been our regular when it came to grocery shopping. Recently we shifted our address. We duly updated our address and our initial apprehensions that Big Basket may not deliver to the new address was put to rest when the website (http://bigbasket.com/ ) accepted our new address. It in fact even prompted us to locate the new address on the map and we did the same. Our address on the Big Basket website was confirmed. We spent couple of hours to log our grocery orders for the month as we do every time. This was 5^th April.

On 6^th April further to confirm that the delivery will happen to the new address, I call up the customer care number only to be reassured that the delivery will be done as scheduled on Tuesday 7^th April in the 7:30-10 p.m. slot.

Cut to 7^th at 1:52 p.m. I receive a mail that shows order modification as one of the items that we ordered was not available. This was also a regular feature every month, which further assured me that the delivery was very much on. Finally, at 2:30 p.m. (just couple of hours before the scheduled delivery) we receive a call that our order cannot be delivered as the location is outside the delivery area.

Worst a mail follows that reads and I quote – ‘As requested by you we have canceled your order #BBO-2342642-060415 due for delivery on Tue 07 Apr 2015 between 07:30 pm and 10:00 pm.’

Requested by me???

Big Basket not delivering is not a problem. After all we were surviving before that as well. What is disappointing is the way Big Basket treated us despite us being customers for fairly long time. Making us work all the way and making us wait till about the last moment before waking-up to dismiss our order was nonchalant and rude. When I called up their number and stated all this they have lame excuses that did not do me any good. I even requested them that the least they could do is to deliver at least this time considering the loss of time that they have inflicted on us through their operational glitches. That was also turned down.

At a time when retailers are scurrying to attract more and more customers, the behaviour of Big Basket is unprofessional and disengaging.

Beware!!! Stick to the neighborhood grocery store or to the hypermart. Big Basket is throwing customers out of their basket.

By the way there is some good news for Bigbasket, Amazon is starting Kirana Now wherein it will deliver everyday grocery essentials to customer’s doorstep in 2-4 hours. May Amazon’s Kirana Now wipe away all worthless baskets!

Letter of a Daughter to her Mother

Mom,
Was Dad not happy when I was born?
Did you also cry?
Grandma told me so many times,
that you did so till your tears were dry.
I heard that there was so much gloom
that even clouds broke down in rain.
I so many times thought
What did I do to give you so much pain!

Mom,
I saw you smile for the first time
when Jay was born.
I heard Dad saying that
'our dreams are no more torn'.
My little dear brother,
your darling boy,
You and Dad played with him all day
as if he was your prized toy.

Jay was always on your lap
I was happy that you were no more sad
But you forgot me in the corner
as I missed more of you and Dad.
When you sang lullabies to Jay
patting his head with your palm,
I listened from a distance,
trying hard to keep myself calm.

Mom,
Why did I have to do all household chores?
when Jay could play,
Why I had to always keep quiet?
while Jay could always have his way.
I could never play with Jay's toys,
yet he could spoil my only doll.
Whenever I told you, you said
'you complain for things so small !'

Mom, I know you told me
that Jay has to do something big and cool,
that is why he went to the convent
and I to the neighbourhood school.
But Mom, I wanted to tell you my dream,
that I wished to fly like a bird,
I always called you, but you're busy.
I don't think you ever heard.

When you fed Jay with your hands,
sometimes I also wanted the same for me.
You know Mom, though food filled my stomach,
I always remained 'hungry'.
I often stared at the empty dark sky,
sitting awake through the night,
wishing that you or Dad will notice me,
crying in a room with no light.

Not that I did not love Jay
but perhaps you loved him more.
I always loved you Mama
guess my 'waves' never reached the 'shore'.
When Dad had to drop me to school,
when I walked besides you to Jay's barber,
those few chances and moments,
is what I have as my treasure.

I had to grow up faster than my age
but I realized it first time so,
when Dad found a 'suitable boy'
and told me it was time to go.
The day I left home,
I saw you cry that day.
I do not why you spent tears,
the day I came and when I went away.

In my new home I have been told,
that I have no rights.
Only few privileges,
that my 'Godly' husband will decide.
I have my corner in the house though,
where I sit for hours alone,
when after hard day of work,
aches my heart, muscle and bone.

You were right Mom for not letting me
get habituated to love and care,
else I would have missed them so much
for here too I have no one to share.
And you know Mom, whenever I feel like crying,
I know how to hide 'it' behind a smile.
And when I miss you and Dad too much
like before, I speak to your photo for a while.

I still wonder
what did I do to hurt you and Dad,
why I could never bring cheer,
even when I tried.
I pray to God that in my next life,
I am born to you as Jay,
so that your kisses, hugs and lullabies do not miss me
not for a moment, not for for a day.