Delivery boy is 'richer' than the Merc owner

 In this world, people can be very kind, but they can be very cruel too; they can very nice, yet some can be very mean too. Yesterday two similar incidents, reminded me once again of this duality of life. While trying to cross the driveway in the parking lot of a mall, an expensive looking car had to wait for couple of seconds to enable myself and my family to cross over to the other side of the driveway. The owner of the car behind the wheels, very rudely flashed the headlight of the car on our face expressing his annoyance of having to wait those seconds. Yet, in another mall, in a similar situation, another car owner voluntarily stopped for us to cross to the other side of the driveway.

But the incident that really motivated me to start writing my blog again after 2 years (this was not an intentional pause though), was a one narrated by my colleague and dear friend. She apparently ordered some food online on the delivery app. When the delivery boy landed up on her door, she realized that she had about 300 fils (or about INR 65/USD 0.80) less than the bill amount. Although, she had bank card, but she had chosen the cash mode of payment while checking-out and hence the delivery boy did not have any card machine with him. In short, she had no way to make-up for the 300 fils shortage. When the delivery boy came to know of her predicament, he offered to pay the balance from his pocket. Although my friend was moved by the kindness of the delivery boy, she politely turned down the offer. It might be a small amount for her, but still it would cut the pocket more of the delivery boy when he pays for the deficit. But he told her that he made decent tips every day, and he could afford to pay the balance amount. Finally, my friend returned his kindness by giving him a 10 Euro bill that he could exchange for dinars. Ten euros would mean about 4 dinars (or INR 907/USD 11). This was way more than the 300 fils that she fell short of paying. But guess that was the reward the delivery boy received for his kindness and his willingness to go beyond the job description to help a genuine customer.

What does this incident mean to me? I think it just strengthens my belief that this world runs because of people like that delivery boy or the polite waiting driver. People are not rich by the wealth that they possess; people are truly rich when they have a heart of gold. Wealth is outwardly measure of a person’s worth, which is transient and won’t last forever. The richness of heart though is the real measure of a person’s worth and lasts forever.

 

Every Feather in the Cap Counts - Grateful

WILL MY SON FIND HIS HOME?

An innocent question from my son stumped me this morning. His question was simple, yet I had no definite answer to the same. He asked me where do we belong? Which place can we call our home, or our domicile?

I can call the place I live, my home, if it feels like one; however, could find myself  as an ‘outsider’ even in my ‘home’. After all inclusivity and a wee bit of love and respect is all that is needed to make you call a place your home.

I wonder if someday I meet ‘aliens’ living in another far away planet, will they identify me as a Bengali, or as an Indian or as an Asian or as a resident of earth. I am sure it will be the last one. So, if earth is my home, then why am I an outsider in different parts of earth?

I still do not have answer to the question my son asked and wonder if I ever would have one. So, I just tell him consider earth as your home and see people as human beings alone. Remove these man-made labels of nationality, region, language, religion, caste, gender and colour from your mind and accept a human being for the virtues that he/she exhibits. Do not judge a book by its cover, instead by its letters.

And I believe that if at least some of us start thinking like this, then one day my son will definitely find his home. Till then we are just travelers.

Why Kushal Punjabi’s Suicide is a Grim Reminder of the Ignorance of Mental Health...

One suicide every 40 second! That is the alarming rate at which people kill themselves around the world. Suicide is one of the leading causes of death, globally. Every suicide is a tragedy and leaves behind family and friends of deceased devastated and scarred for life. It destroys homes and lives of people who are left behind to mourn.

Kushal Punjabi, a television actor from India killed himself yesterday leaving behind his parents, wife and a four-year-old son. This news has sent shock waves and one shudders to think how his family would cope with this tragedy. When I think of his four-year-old son and how he will cope with this loss, I get shivers down my spine. News reports contrast the cause of suicide from a failed marriage to a failing career. But whatever the cause, every suicide is tragedy that is even more lamentable because it is preventable.

Kushal Punjabi’s suicide is not the first and we know it is not going to be the last, but every such incident is a grim reminder how mental health afflicts people and is the modern-day global epidemic. One in four people around the world get impacted by mental health problem at some point of their life. Around 450 million people suffer from mental health issues that cause a range of problems from stress-related disorders, anxiety, depression and worst of them all suicides.

Most people focus on keeping themselves physically fit. In fact, Kushal was known to be fit as a fiddle according to his co-stars. We have annual health checks, health camps – all focusing on preventable healthcare aiming to keep people physically fit. However, no such initiatives seem to focus on mental health. What most people fail to realize and accept that although physical health is important, a poor mental health will not help a fit body to survive. On the other hand, a strong mental health may help people to overcome physical health problems and cope-up better.

Mental health issues are both preventable and treatable, but we continue to underestimate its importance, or stigmatize the same making it difficult for people to express or seek help. With fewer than two psychiatrists for every100,000 people, in India, the second most populated country in the world, the problem become even more acute as even those seeking help are not always able to access the same.

Despite the progress that mankind has made, mental health crisis and suicide are still wrapped in many myths. However, the fact is that these issues affect/can affect anyone irrespective of age, gender, income or social status.

Every suicide could have been prevented if there was someone who could listen to them, talk to them; if someone was for them when they faced despair and hopelessness.

Yes, the person who take this extreme step cannot shrug away the responsibility but first we need to recognize the fact that they are unwell and need attention, treatment and care. In absence of the same, the road ahead is filled with dangerous landmines, a path of no-return.

Whenever we hear of a suicide, we think about it till the news headlines last and finally shrug it off thinking it has not affected us or our family or friends. But such risks may be lurking around the corner as mental health problems come in stealthily. It is a silent-killer.

So, for once, let’s stop ignoring or continue living with in this blissful ignorance that it can never affect us or our near and dear ones.  It is important to educate ourselves on mental health, signs of deteriorating mental health, understand anxiety, depression and suicidal symptoms and develop an empathy for people who are affected, instead of making fun of them, stigmatizing them or ignoring/avoiding them. Mental health problem is no longer the headache of mental health professionals alone, it is everyone’s problem and we all need to join hands and make a difference.

Each One, Save One.

Every life saved is saving many other lives from dying a living death.

Are You Phubbing Me?

Have you used your phone in the presence of others, ignoring them? If yes, then you have Phubbed them!

Phubbing is the modern day word simply meaning snubbing someone else by ignoring them while using phone in their presence.

Phubbing is very very common these days and each one of you reading this article have either phubbed someone else or have been phubbed, or both. Phubbing is an annoying behaviour - a result of smartphone addiction.

Everyone phubs these days and at every odd place possible. You see kids phubbing each other at home at parties in presence of other adults. At times parents keep talking to the child and the kid simply does not respond because he/she is glued to the smartphone playing games, chatting or simply watching a video.  They are actually phubbing you!

You find guests visiting your place phubbing you and at times guests find their hosts phubbing them. Annoying, isn't it.

Then you have couples phubbing each other. Friends, married couples, dating couples sit next to each other and keep phubbing.

People even phub at work. Boss phubbing his reportee or people phubbing during a meeting is not very uncommon.

People phub at home, cafes, social meetings, offices, and where not.  I have heard people phubbing even at funerals.

So phubbing is an global epidemic, much as Smartphone addiction is! The new behavioural problem. Why it is a problem? Because it affects relationships as it breaks down conversation,. cuts communication channels and makes people feel ignored not getting enough attention.

STOP PHUBBING

How does one stop phubbing? It is not going to be easy. We are all addicted to Smartphones. They are our modern day indulgence. We are almost slaves to notifications that keep popping up every now and then, tempting us to pick-up our smartphone and check it one more time, and then again one more time and ...the cycle is never ending. There is a sense of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out).

Phubbing is an annoying modern day behaviour and it needs to stop. And the only way I can think that phubbing can stop is to train our minds to resist the temptation of checking our phones again and again. Mindfulness is important and staying focused on what one is doing in the moment is every important. Living in the moment, as they say, makes every moment fruitful and enjoyable.

So what's your phubbing moment? If you have phubbed or have been phubbed, please leave a comment about your phubbing moment. And yes, please share and like the post.

And yes, if you are phubbing someone when you are reading my article then please close itnow and read it when you are not phubbing. Stop Phubbing, Please. 

Do not 'Make My Reward'

Recently the travel app Make My Trip gave me INR 4000 in my MMT wallet as a reward of my loyalty as a customer. As the notification popped up on my smartphone, I was thrilled at the prospect of a weekend getaway with my family. Being at office, I immediately called up my wife and told her of the unexpected bounty. We were excited and decided to visit the princely city Mysore for a night. It was a good way to escape the madness of the metropolis for a day. However it was only at the time of hotel booking that I realized that I had not read the fine print well. 

The terms and conditions of the use of wallet amount was complicated and loaded against the customer. It simply looked like a ploy to make you spend more, nothing more than a sales gimmick. To just give you an idea, I needed to spend close to INR 25000 to make use of the entire INR 4000 in my wallet. Worse this wallet money was valid only for about a week. This meant that I had to spend 25K in one shot immediately to ensure that I do not lose out on my wallet money. This was such a cheap sales stunt. 

Was this a reward for my loyalty and the fact that I had helped MMT become richer or a trick to ensure that I make them even richer? The answer is a no-brainer, I suppose. An enquiry with the MMT resulted in a call from customer care who repeated the same terms and conditions and further expressed his helplessness to do anything more, but promised that he will escalate my concern to his seniors. Much time has passed and I have received no further clarification or response from MMT  which pretty much means ‘take it or leave it’. 

We on our part have decided to give a pass to this wallet bounty generously showered on us by MMT. Our Mysore plan shelved for another time, but more than that I think that MMT experience was better without this sales trick in the garb of a reward. This ‘reward’ spoiled my MMT experience and left me feeling a bit short-changed. 

Something is better than nothing, but isn’t nothing is better than Nonsense.

How many times have you we received gifts on our birthdays or anniversaries that we have no idea why it was chosen for us or what to really do with that gift? I am sure it has happened with all of us and keeps happening every now. Such gifts are better not given.

I recall the stainless steel water pitcher, or an antique candle stand or at times even some cash being given to me on my birthdays by guests at the party when I would be a 9 or 10 year old boy. I did not know what to do with the steel water pitcher or with the candle stand or for that matter with the cash, although it was slightly better option that the other two. On the other hand a simple tennis ball or a small pack of chocolate was much more meaningful and joyous for a school going boy.

Gifts are after all reflection of the presenter’s feelings and intended to bring a smile on the face of the recipient to make him/her feel special. The material worth of the gift hardly matters. The intention of the presenter does. A meaningful gift is also a reflection of the amount of thought and time spared by the person for the one for whom the gift is intended. And that is what makes it even more special. On the other hand, meaningless gifts reflect the ignorance of the person buying the gift and total disregard for the person for whom it is meant.

The same thing happens with rewards and recognitions (R&R) plans in companies. A well-intended and well-thought reward and recognition program can always make employees and customers happy and engaged. Such R&R are honest and provide a sense of worth, joy and motivation to the recipient. However a poorly designed R&R falls flat on the face of purpose and worse, they can be de-motivators and disengagers, proving to be counter-productive.

Why Manabi was forced to resign?

Beyond Just Words

Transgenders have been mostly ignored, and, worse mocked at, ostracised by the society and organisations. I think the biggest problem is that we just talk. everyone talks about inclusivity but no one really does anything on the ground.

Like on World Environment day, we write do not cut trees, print the same on paper and stick it. Such a paradox, isn't it? Beyond talk, the inclusivity needs to be in actions. 

It is only recent that we have started taking about a third option as 'others' in the application forms against gender. Otherwise it used to be just male or female. So it boils down to actionable items - Are we hiring transgenders in our organisation? Have we sensitised our culture to include transgenders? Are we giving them equal opportunities?

I had written about this issue on my blog way back in 2012.

Change Culture, Sensitise People

Some organisations that take the brave first step of hiring transgenders forget to sensitize their culture and people and the transgender hires are subject of cruel jokes and ridicule that force them to exit. Take the case of Manabi Bandopadhyay who became the first transgender principal of a Kolkata school. The news was received with much euphoria and circulated by the media with drumbeats. The reality after 18 months is that she was forced to resign because of the extremely uncooperative attitude of the college staff. That's why changing the culture and mindset is important.

On the positive front India's first transgender school has opened. But will these students be accepted in the society, higher education colleges and later in the workforce is a big question that looms at large. You cannot create a different world for transgenders. They have to be assimilated in our society organically.

We need to realize that physical anatomy has nothing to do with the IQ or EQ of a person. They can be as talented as we are may be sometime even more. and when we ostracise them, they feel as hurt as we do if someone does it to us. When you see a transgender begging at a traffic junction, it is perhaps because people like us never allowed them to get a job and live a descent life.

Fundamentally nothing will change till our mindsets change and that is possible only when we try and impact the culture. It has to be through training, workshops, various campaigns and drives.
It will take time, but every small change adds up.

Let us all make a beginning in our small ways, not just by good words but by actions that can inspire others to do as well.