Why Can't Men Cook !

No, no, this is not a question that I am trying to answer. You must have noticed the exclamatory mark after the title line.

Consider this...

Storm in the Tea Cup...

My wife loves tea...but only if it is made by me. Somehow I seem to have the magic recipe for the tea that she loves and likes so much that every other tea is tasteless for her. I on my part love making a cup of hot tea for her every morning and evening.

Cut to an odd evening...some guests have dropped in home. after usual pleasantries, as is the custom in most Indian homes, tea and snacks need to be served and the rest of the conversation pretty much continues over those delectable. I insist on making the tea. We have an open kitchen in our home. So the tea that I am making is very much in the full view of our guests lounged in the living room. As I make tea and serve the same, my guest seem to be visibly restless, especially a middle aged women among them. At first I do not seem to understand the cause of their restlessness, but then I figure it out. They are feeling slightly embarrassed at the fact that the 'man' of the house is actually serving them tea. This routine in their view is reserved for my wife.  I wonder what is so big deal, however for them it seems to be! But for appearing rude, I felt like putting back those tea cups in the kitchen without them having touched them.

What's Cooking!

In our household there are no work boundaries between me and my wife and no one is really helping when one is doing a job. That is supposed to be done, that's it! The same applies to cooking. Cooking for us is a more functional job and we share it among both of us. But I have seen some members of my extended family, relatives feeling a bit embarrassed if the cooking for that day has been done by me. They seem to be sympathizing at my labour and also do not forget to subtly suggest to my wife that she is really 'smart' (that she could pass the buck!).  However when my wife does all the cooking, which unfortunately she has to do more times than me, no one seems bothered.

I just don't get it...why can't men cook! What is so big deal if they share household jobs. After all everyone lives in that house and shares the benefits!

Why should women always cook and serve?
Does it hurt the self esteem of men if they share this job?
Then, should it be assumed that women have lower respect than men?

If the answer to any one of the above questions is in affirmation, then that person definitely suffers from a mindset  that puts men on pedestal and denigrates women.

Surprisingly it is not only men in our culture who suffer from such mindset, it's also WOMEN. That is saddest part of this reality. Many women still think that men really slip off the assumed 'pedestal' if they cook or serve! C'mon...

b'Ad' Promotion

Few days back I heard a AD (advertisement over radio), that went something like this -
A man asks his wife what would she wish if God granted her three wishes. To this wife expresses three wishes that in some way suggest that she would ask her man to help her in the kitchen. Every time she makes a wish, the man makes sounds of disapproval, and by the end of the third wish the man sounds as if fainting in disgust. A baritone voice comes at this juncture that goes like ...'Women need help in kitchen. That is why we have designed a kitchen sink that has...' whatever blah! blah! features.

Consider the assumptions made in the Ad.
a) Place for women is kitchen.
b) Women always need men to help them.  (else they can't do their jobs).
c) Men feel wasted if they are asked to do kitchen stuff!
d) Wife is a dimwit that she wastes God's grant to lowly kitchen jobs.

Whereas the reality is -
a) The man in the ad is a lazy bum.
b) He is also insensitive to the fact that his wife is slogging out in the kitchen alone.
c) The wife is driven so crazy that she needs almighty's help to bail her out out of this lonely daily grind!
d) Not her man but a product comes to her rescue. Alas!

Another recent radio ad of some pre-mixed spices has a punchline- 'now even men can cook'.

Really!

No wonder ads are made like this...after all they are made by 'similar' people for appealing to the majority having a mindset that we just talked about.

cHANGe

Can this mindset change? I believe it can but it will still take a long time before real change happens. But for that to happen, I believe the change has to start from women. Women have to stop assuming that cooking or for that matter any household job is only their responsibility and that if men do the same they are belittled. And, that if men help in the house, they are being magnanimous. 'Sorry ladies they are not! It's also their job and it is anyone's job who is living in that house. If fruits are shared by everyone, the labout also must be! Start believing, for only when you believe, that the other gender will take note and change.'

One last thing...
Ladies who are homemakers also work! For God's sake stop assuming that only those 'who' go out to work are doing a job. The lady in the house is doing a 24/7, 365 days job with no salary, leaves, benefits, increments or promotions. Just because a lady is a homemaker does not mean that she has no work and that she must toil alone in the house. Not acceptable. Homemaker works and does the toughest job on planet earth in an office called home. 'And other people in the house, how come you forget teamwork when you come back home!'

This time again...Ladies do not rest, till it is cool for Men to Cook! :-)

Dream turns Sore, Poor Girl No More...

Dream turned nightmare for the poor four year girl who lost her life in the recent car crash. Tucked cozily in her mom's lap, travelling in her Dad's 'small' car, she was critically injured when it crashed against Hema's 'Big' Merc. 

Hema a famous yesteryear actress dubbed by many as 'dream girl' and now a politician/MP was rushed to the best hospital immediately, while the 'four year old' lay bleeding alongside her family injured in the crash. The crucial time lost in taking her to hospital reportedly cost her precious life. 

Neither Hema, who comparatively escaped with minor injuries, nor the doctor who rushed her to hospital for once thought about the kid that she too needed urgent medical attention. As if this was not enough, Hema squarely blamed the girl's dad for the accident and for the death of the child, despite the fact that her driver has been booked for rash driving. Under fire for leaving the four year old behind to die, Hema did not lose an opportunity to claim her innocence before even the family could grieve death of their baby. 

This gross insensitivity shook me and many... Hema how could you do this? You are a 'dream' no more! You and your car were no dream to the little girl and her family. It was a horrible nightmare for them.

Hema should thank her stars that she was in a Merc having international safety features that saved her life. The poor girl and her family were not so lucky and got badly hit in their humble 'Alto'.

However this should not come as a surprise. Pandering to the rich, famous and powerful is common in this nation. India claimed by many as a land of equals is more equal for some! 

Else, how do you explain holding-up entire aircraft full of 'ordinary' passengers and delaying the flight to accommodate a late minister? And not once, at least two times in the recent past. In one case even some legitimate passengers were offloaded from the aircraft to accommodate the minister!

Else, how do you explain a famous actor running down pavement dwellers in an inebriated state and even after evidence clearly against the actor, the case running for 13 long years with still no signs of justice?

These are just recent top of the mind recalls. There are countless such incidents in our country. Ask anyone on the street and he/she will definitely have at least one similar incident to narrate.

Who to Blame?

The blame for the VIP culture in India cannot be put only on the VIPs. The blame also lies with all of us. Had we not been servile and pandered the ugly protruding egos of such people, then such culture will not flourish.

The doctor who forgot the four year old kid in his bid to show his utter servility to Hema or the airline officers who meekly held the aircraft for the minister or the several on streets and social media who instead of showing sensitivity towards the poor helpless dead pavement dweller & his family, brashly supported the star actor - we are the ones to blame more.

Exception is not a rule! Unfortunately...

Not every rich and powerful is a jerk and not every middle class or poor in this nation is a servile...however unfortunately they are heavily outnumbered by those who either shamelessly wear their status on their sleeves or by those who lick those sleeves crawling on their knees.

'It is nice to be important, but it is more important to be nice!' - this wise old adage cuts very little ice with majority in this nation. 

Alas!

RIP four year old angel - you are in a better world! May fairies hold you in their lap and sing you beautiful melodies. You will have no bad 'dream' there!