Mom,
Was Dad not happy when I was born?
Did you also cry?
Grandma told me so many times,
that you did so till your tears were dry.
I heard that there was so much gloom
that even clouds broke down in rain.
I so many times thought
What did I do to give you so much pain!
Mom,
I saw you smile for the first time
when Jay was born.
I heard Dad saying that
'our dreams are no more torn'.
My little dear brother,
your darling boy,
You and Dad played with him all day
as if he was your prized toy.
Jay was always on your lap
I was happy that you were no more sad
But you forgot me in the corner
as I missed more of you and Dad.
When you sang lullabies to Jay
patting his head with your palm,
I listened from a distance,
trying hard to keep myself calm.
Mom,
Why did I have to do all household chores?
when Jay could play,
Why I had to always keep quiet?
while Jay could always have his way.
I could never play with Jay's toys,
yet he could spoil my only doll.
Whenever I told you, you said
'you complain for things so small !'
Mom, I know you told me
that Jay has to do something big and cool,
that is why he went to the convent
and I to the neighbourhood school.
But Mom, I wanted to tell you my dream,
that I wished to fly like a bird,
I always called you, but you're busy.
I don't think you ever heard.
When you fed Jay with your hands,
sometimes I also wanted the same for me.
You know Mom, though food filled my stomach,
I always remained 'hungry'.
I often stared at the empty dark sky,
sitting awake through the night,
wishing that you or Dad will notice me,
crying in a room with no light.
Not that I did not love Jay
but perhaps you loved him more.
I always loved you Mama
guess my 'waves' never reached the 'shore'.
When Dad had to drop me to school,
when I walked besides you to Jay's barber,
those few chances and moments,
is what I have as my treasure.
I had to grow up faster than my age
but I realized it first time so,
when Dad found a 'suitable boy'
and told me it was time to go.
The day I left home,
I saw you cry that day.
I do not why you spent tears,
the day I came and when I went away.
In my new home I have been told,
that I have no rights.
Only few privileges,
that my 'Godly' husband will decide.
I have my corner in the house though,
where I sit for hours alone,
when after hard day of work,
aches my heart, muscle and bone.
You were right Mom for not letting me
get habituated to love and care,
else I would have missed them so much
for here too I have no one to share.
And you know Mom, whenever I feel like crying,
I know how to hide 'it' behind a smile.
And when I miss you and Dad too much
like before, I speak to your photo for a while.
I still wonder
what did I do to hurt you and Dad,
why I could never bring cheer,
even when I tried.
I pray to God that in my next life,
I am born to you as Jay,
so that your kisses, hugs and lullabies do not miss me
not for a moment, not for for a day.
Was Dad not happy when I was born?
Did you also cry?
Grandma told me so many times,
that you did so till your tears were dry.
I heard that there was so much gloom
that even clouds broke down in rain.
I so many times thought
What did I do to give you so much pain!
Mom,
I saw you smile for the first time
when Jay was born.
I heard Dad saying that
'our dreams are no more torn'.
My little dear brother,
your darling boy,
You and Dad played with him all day
as if he was your prized toy.
Jay was always on your lap
I was happy that you were no more sad
But you forgot me in the corner
as I missed more of you and Dad.
When you sang lullabies to Jay
patting his head with your palm,
I listened from a distance,
trying hard to keep myself calm.
Mom,
Why did I have to do all household chores?
when Jay could play,
Why I had to always keep quiet?
while Jay could always have his way.
I could never play with Jay's toys,
yet he could spoil my only doll.
Whenever I told you, you said
'you complain for things so small !'
Mom, I know you told me
that Jay has to do something big and cool,
that is why he went to the convent
and I to the neighbourhood school.
But Mom, I wanted to tell you my dream,
that I wished to fly like a bird,
I always called you, but you're busy.
I don't think you ever heard.
When you fed Jay with your hands,
sometimes I also wanted the same for me.
You know Mom, though food filled my stomach,
I always remained 'hungry'.
I often stared at the empty dark sky,
sitting awake through the night,
wishing that you or Dad will notice me,
crying in a room with no light.
Not that I did not love Jay
but perhaps you loved him more.
I always loved you Mama
guess my 'waves' never reached the 'shore'.
When Dad had to drop me to school,
when I walked besides you to Jay's barber,
those few chances and moments,
is what I have as my treasure.
I had to grow up faster than my age
but I realized it first time so,
when Dad found a 'suitable boy'
and told me it was time to go.
The day I left home,
I saw you cry that day.
I do not why you spent tears,
the day I came and when I went away.
In my new home I have been told,
that I have no rights.
Only few privileges,
that my 'Godly' husband will decide.
I have my corner in the house though,
where I sit for hours alone,
when after hard day of work,
aches my heart, muscle and bone.
You were right Mom for not letting me
get habituated to love and care,
else I would have missed them so much
for here too I have no one to share.
And you know Mom, whenever I feel like crying,
I know how to hide 'it' behind a smile.
And when I miss you and Dad too much
like before, I speak to your photo for a while.
I still wonder
what did I do to hurt you and Dad,
why I could never bring cheer,
even when I tried.
I pray to God that in my next life,
I am born to you as Jay,
so that your kisses, hugs and lullabies do not miss me
not for a moment, not for for a day.
