Letter of a Daughter to her Mother

Mom,
Was Dad not happy when I was born?
Did you also cry?
Grandma told me so many times,
that you did so till your tears were dry.
I heard that there was so much gloom
that even clouds broke down in rain.
I so many times thought
What did I do to give you so much pain!

Mom,
I saw you smile for the first time
when Jay was born.
I heard Dad saying that
'our dreams are no more torn'.
My little dear brother,
your darling boy,
You and Dad played with him all day
as if he was your prized toy.

Jay was always on your lap
I was happy that you were no more sad
But you forgot me in the corner
as I missed more of you and Dad.
When you sang lullabies to Jay
patting his head with your palm,
I listened from a distance,
trying hard to keep myself calm.

Mom,
Why did I have to do all household chores?
when Jay could play,
Why I had to always keep quiet?
while Jay could always have his way.
I could never play with Jay's toys,
yet he could spoil my only doll.
Whenever I told you, you said
'you complain for things so small !'

Mom, I know you told me
that Jay has to do something big and cool,
that is why he went to the convent
and I to the neighbourhood school.
But Mom, I wanted to tell you my dream,
that I wished to fly like a bird,
I always called you, but you're busy.
I don't think you ever heard.

When you fed Jay with your hands,
sometimes I also wanted the same for me.
You know Mom, though food filled my stomach,
I always remained 'hungry'.
I often stared at the empty dark sky,
sitting awake through the night,
wishing that you or Dad will notice me,
crying in a room with no light.

Not that I did not love Jay
but perhaps you loved him more.
I always loved you Mama
guess my 'waves' never reached the 'shore'.
When Dad had to drop me to school,
when I walked besides you to Jay's barber,
those few chances and moments,
is what I have as my treasure.

I had to grow up faster than my age
but I realized it first time so,
when Dad found a 'suitable boy'
and told me it was time to go.
The day I left home,
I saw you cry that day.
I do not why you spent tears,
the day I came and when I went away.

In my new home I have been told,
that I have no rights.
Only few privileges,
that my 'Godly' husband will decide.
I have my corner in the house though,
where I sit for hours alone,
when after hard day of work,
aches my heart, muscle and bone.

You were right Mom for not letting me
get habituated to love and care,
else I would have missed them so much
for here too I have no one to share.
And you know Mom, whenever I feel like crying,
I know how to hide 'it' behind a smile.
And when I miss you and Dad too much
like before, I speak to your photo for a while.

I still wonder
what did I do to hurt you and Dad,
why I could never bring cheer,
even when I tried.
I pray to God that in my next life,
I am born to you as Jay,
so that your kisses, hugs and lullabies do not miss me
not for a moment, not for for a day.

Trust is Human Interactions and Real Conversations!

DrAgon Senses

Whole last night fire-crackers kept bursting in the neighbourhood. All in the name of veneration and reverence to the almighty. 

The sound of crackers was so loud that even after shutting all doors and windows, the loud blasts made it difficult for us to sleep, kept rudely waking us up in the middle of the night and many times startled kids out of sleep. And all this while I believed that loving the creation of the God is the best tribute to divine.

Surprisingly all this all this kept happening - uninhibited right under their nose of the law enforcing officers who had been specially deputed by the city administration to manage the festivities. 

Perhaps their 'eyes did not see' the hooligans running amok with the crackers in the dead of the night and their 'ears did not hear' the sounds!

Today morning, like everyday, I saw so many motorists jumping traffic lights, overtaking from the wrong side, driving on the wrong side of the road (to get that extra-bit of time advantage in a bid to beat the traffic) etc. But no one stopped them as they cause endless discomfort to rule-abiding people on the road and risked their as well as other's lives.

Perhaps the traffic cop's  'eyes did not see' them!

So many such things happen everyday that so many people 'cannot see' or 'do not hear' and we so many others have 'mouths that do not utter a word' against all these. For you should be afraid, very afraid in this nation - for opposing such acts; for speaking against may be dangerous.

(Dr. Agon) beats his hapless wife, shouts at his children, bullies the motorists on the road, back stabs his peers in office, flatters his boss and abuses his subordinates, everyday. But his 'conscience does not prick'. Perhaps it is the same (Dr. Agon) who bursts those crackers, jumped those traffic lights, eve teased the girls and women on the road. 

And our 'eyes did not see', 'ears did not hear', 'mouths did not speak' and 'conscience did not prick'. 

Do we choose this world? Wonder...

 

Cleanliness is a Mindset!

Another 'hatchback' in front of my car... today morning held familiar sights of traffic and the calisthenics on road. No need or scope to overtake the car in front of me, I kept tailing the same. Suddenly, came flying the banana peels out of the window. So it must be breakfast in the car! No wonder, busy life in a bustling metro would leave no time for food. Only problem, human beings are not expected to behave like the wild and untamed. Banana peels thrown by the 'patrons' inside the car further contributes to the growing filth and nonsense on the road.

Much to the contrary of Clean India Campaign launched by the PM, everything seems to be going much like before. People are shamelessly littering public places, throwing paper, fruit peels and other dirt missiles out of buses, cars and trucks. It must be a familiar sight for many to see your neighbour stealthily emptying their dustbin at the corner of the lane or street in the wee hours of the morning. And the happiness on their face after doing that is so immeasurable. Mission accomplished!!

Sweeping it under the rug?

The Clean India campaign has been interpreted mostly in the manner that defies logic. Apparently we are supposed to visit various localities, take a broom in our hand and start cleaning-up the city. Well, then what would all the staff recruited by the city municipal corporations do? They are sure to enjoy this and get paid with no work for them - this time publicly mandated. Many school kids, office staffs have been directed to compulsorily sweep dirty localities. Frankly, nothing has changed on the ground. In one case, one school kid that I know from a city in the western part of India contracted a lung infection because of this cleanliness drive.

Do I have an ego issue in donning a broom. No, that would be completely incorrectly interpreting this article. Its not that. We as citizens are definitely responsible for keeping our surrounding clean. However cleanliness like the current drive suggests is not doing taking-up someone else's job. 

Cleanliness is in the mindset.

I have often wondered does it cost too much to keep our place clean. Yesterday, passing by a humble eatery I noticed how the plastic chairs, floor, the plastic water jug kept on the table were all unclean. A simple wipe of the cloth everyday would have been enough to keep them tidy. The curtain hiding kitchen was half pulled away. The walls were donning black oil & spice smudges and blotches. Would that cost a lot of money to keep the walls clean?

You go to even happening street in Bangalore like M.G. Road, Church Street etc. and it will be no wonder to find a unnoticed burst sewage pipe oozing out black smelly water spreading over the lane making it difficult for pedestrians to walk or watching so called educated, rich people throwing around waste unabashedly on the roads. 

Despite all this filth around, you can see people standing and enjoying 'gol-gappas', 'chat' and other foody delights on roadside. I cannot imagine how people even feel like eating with all the litter and smell around. May be there is something wrong with me. I guess. I  and people like me will be told the same thing in this country. 

It's all in the mindset. Do we really love cleanliness?

Why go far? Personal hygiene is not of very high standards in this country. Barring few, others seem to enjoy remaining untidy. And when I say this, I am not even being critical! On a lighter note, it is interesting to note that between 2009 and 2014, the market size of deos jumped from Rs 500 crore to Rs 2,300 crore in India.

Years back in 2011, much before this campaign was launched I had mentioned this mindset in my blog ( read - Clean Homes, Dirty Streets).

The key to keep India  clean is to change this mindset of the majority. That will take much more intense effort than the cosmetic acts, that at best are good photo-ops. Remember the age old adage - Charity (we can change this to Cleanliness) begins at home!

Will that happen? Are we serious? I am unsure. I reckon till then we have to keep-up with banana peels.

manage less, ENGAGE MORE

Phone buzzes in the morning. A unknown land line number. I take this call, least expecting it to be from the bank reminding me of my credit card payment. This is the second call in three days. I am irritated - one I have better things to do in the morning, second this is the second call in three days, third despite the fact having made a good payment last month, fourth my current credit card bill is way below my credit limit and finally, I have a clean credit record - in university system I will probably get a A+ for my credit track record.

So the last thing you expect is getting repeated reminders when that is not even required. Makes you feel as if you have borrowed from a local money lender and he is knocking your door every morning to ask his money back.

I ask the person the reason for his desperation when I am making regular payments every month. What he tells me is even more irritating. He is calling me because his system shows that I have not paid anything last month after the bill was generated. The fact is I paid one day before my billing date on 8th December, while the bill was generated on 9th. It's only but common sense that the customer will pay next only in January.

And January is not over yet. Yet the bank employee choses to repeatedly call me. When I speak to my personal banker (that is what they call the person who pushes bank products to you) he predictably defends the caller and his bank. The caller is supposedly helping me by reminding me. All he succeeds in doing is to irritate me.

Most importantly, the 'personal banker' also tells me that the caller does not know about my past payments or my credit track record. He just has last bill data with him and his job is to call... Wow! That is what you call customer focused service!

This is not only this bank's problem. It is problem with all those organizations which are driven only by data and processes and not by analysis and big picture sense and most importantly common sense. While similar data  pieces about two customers may prompt similar action, not being broad focused would only mean that the executive will only have a part of the picture and may initiate similar action. While a more holistic view of the customers may differentiate them and consequently the actions towards them.

In this case, the bank would do best to leave me alone. A person with a less responsible attitude towards his credit perhaps need to be reminded repeatedly.

All many organizations do in name of management is to mismanage their most important resources - their people and consequently their customers.

All I have to say is - Manage less, Engage more.

RE-KINDLING AN OLD FLAME

While the practice of creating alumni relations, alumni chapters and alumni reunions have been a common practice among universities, the corporate sector has rarely focused on alumni network of its ex-employees. A concept that was pioneered by McKinsey, employee-alumni relations have not been too popular in India. Not surprising - considering India has not particularly done well in employee engagement.

Global consultants like PwC, KPMG have employee-alumni network portals to enable its ex-employees to reconnect should they want to at any point of time. They actively consider re-hiring ex-employees or considering referrals from their ex-employees. Post-recession, some Indian companies started showing similar intent and Infosys, Wipro considered re-hiring employees laid-off during recession. 

The rationale of re-hiring ex-employees comes from the fact that they are not only accustomed to the corporate culture but they have been tried and tested hands, with proven record of previous performance. Besides since they left, they have had other experiences. Hence once back they bring fresh ideas and perspectives on the table that could help the company get a competitive edge. 

HDFC Bank is the latest to join this growing tribe. The bank, which had 68,165 employees at the end of March, aims to re-hire as many as 3,000 former employees over the next 12-18 months. As the bank plans to grow with stability and not with by taking risks, old hands may be good back home. 

But then, as there are pros and cons of rekindling an old flame, there are similar issues when it comes to re-hiring an ex-employee. And companies must be cognizant of the same. Else it may prove to be a pain in the neck rather than a shot-in-the-arm.

1. 'If you want to rekindle an old flame, you'll need to first discuss what went wrong the last time' (Psychology today). - This piece of wisdom holds true when attracting back ex-employees as well. Why an employee left in the first place, is important to determine. HDFC on its part is targeting ex-employees who had good performance track record and are presently doing well in their current companies.
   
2. 'Do you really miss your ex or do you just hate dating?' (Psychology Today) - Faced with talent scarcity and stiff recruitment targets, at times for the recruiting team, the decision to hire back ex-employees may be an easier option-out then attracting fresh talent. Hiring an ex-employee must be taken purely on their merit and need to have them back.
   
3. 'Before you start emailing your ex, remember that jealousy is normal. So deal with it.'  (Psychology Today) - Talented ex-employees may been hired by the competitor. Trying to win them back just because one's competitor has them otherwise, is not going to be sustainable.
   
4. 'If you haven't learned this basic lesson, chances are you're just missing a warm body.' (Psychology Today) - Certain things may not have worked right during the first stint of the employee. They may have been recorded in various organizational documents like appraisal documents, exit-interview transcripts. Learning from the old mistakes and continuously re-inventing the system is important for an organization. Hiring back old employees and letting them face the same flaws in the system doesn't make sense.
   
5. 'Are you trapping yourself with an on-again/off-again relationship? Sustaining a long-term relationship is commendable' (Psychology Today) -The question remains that  - Can they make the home 'sweeter' and the second home-coming even more so? Engagement has to be a serious intention behind such initiatives; and remember 'Re-Engagement' is going to be more challenging.

It remains to be seen if HDFC Bank's old flames ignite it's mission or not. And do other companies follow the suit and the 'mantra' of Re-Engagement. 

Reference: Re-kindling an old flame or not by Catherine Shu, Psychology Today, 2005

Hypocritical Nation Treats Girls and Women with Disdain. Alas!

We are a land of hypocrites when it comes to treating girls and women. When an incident of rape happens we all pretend to be shocked and chocked for words. Candle light marches will be organized.;Government would ban cabs; Social groups would pledge support; Media will print bold headlines. Few days pass, things cool down, everyone forgets and we again wait for the next crime to occur. 

India has not learnt from its past and never will.

The girls and women who stand up and fights these sick  molesters and rapists are ostracized and harassed in this country. Look at the fate of the two Haryana sisters who beat up the molesters in the bus. 

At first things happened in the most unpredictable manner. The army refused employment to the molester youths, the state government announced bravery rewards for the brave girls. Wow! I thought this nation is changing...finally the girls will be celebrated for standing-up and fighting for their rights.

However things were too good to be true. Some women (yes women) in the bus accuse the brave sisters of fabricating the story and unnecessarily beating up the youth, the villagers of the village where these boys reside submit affidavits to the government pressurizing them to acquit the boys of the charge, some intellectuals dig up the past and accuse that the girls are habitual beaters and male haters and finally the state government decides to put hold on the felicitation of the girls. 

The accusation against the girls are -

1. They fabricated the case in the bus and unnecessarily beat up the boys.

How stupid! You think in India where girls are so unsafe, without any rhyme or reason would go to this extent. The fact they tried to call the women helpline 1091 before defending themselves has been conveniently ignored in this story.

2. They are habitual beaters

Last time they beat up another youth, he was also a molester. In India most girls and women quietly suffer such harassment that are almost everyday affair for them. Few dare to stand up and fight. What else they are supposed to do? Quietly let the molesters and rapists unleash their demonic acts? Pramod Kumar very rightly wrote on First Post - "So what if there's a second video? We should still celebrate Rohtak sisters".

3. The girls carry belts in their bag
One of the women who was also in the bus said, "It was all planned. Why would the girls carry a men's belt in their bag?" Even if they did, what other choice they have? I know many girls and women who carry pepper sprays etc, in their bags since they know that at every corner of this land, there is a habitual molester or rapist on the prowl. 

The fact that these sisters have received death threats after this incident and faced with a social charge against them have offered to the police to undergo Narco Test to prove their innocence are clear indicators that truth has been buried under bags of lies and hypocrisy.

It is shameful that these brave girls have been pushed to this extent and have to face so much social ostracism and have to try so hard to prove their innocence despite being the sufferers. 

The international media on the other hand has celebrated the bravery of these girls. And here most of us instead of supporting and celebrating these brave hearts have gone and done character assassination of these girls. 

After this every girl, every women in this nation would fear even more to stand up and fight these molesters and rapists because here the victim is guilty till she proves herself innocent and the criminal molester enjoys social protection. 

Shame on us!