Neerja, Spirit of Womanhood and the World

Neerja Bhanot, the braveheart airhostess in the 1986 ill-fated hijacked PAN AM flight, who was instrumental in saving lives of more than 300 passengers, while not caring for her life and ultimately dying in the line of duty is in limelight again after 30 years, thanks to the movie 'Neerja'.

A lady who was posthumously awarded bravery awards by 3 countries - India, Pakistan and US is being hailed as a symbol of courage.

There is no doubt that Neerja Bhanot personified bravery but she also personified unmeasurable compassion and kindness.

Her bravery award citations celebrated her incredible human kindness. She was the last to leave the plane but not lucky enough to get out alive. In the chaos that reined when terrorist went berserk and rained bullets indiscrimately on the passengers, she repeatedly checked the plane for anyone left out and finally finding herself between bullets and three kids whom she was trying to evacuate, she chose to come in the way. The bullets pierced her head and snuffed life out of her.

Why will someone do something like that? Which job pays enough for scarificing one's life? The truth is no job description or no compensation for a job in the world can ever explain or describe such behaviour.

What Neerja showed was not only bravery but incredible human kindness that put others, those who are complete strangers, before oneself to the extent of giving up one's life.

Neerja exemplified what womanhood stand for - a strong and brave heart that is filled with unmeasurable compassion and kindness.

As the world celebrates International Women's Day today, it needs much more than ever what Womanhood really stands for - Courage and Kindness...

Courage to stand by the truth and do what is right;

and,

compassion and kindness for fellow beings - treating someone as a human first and not label him by religion, region, colour or nationality.

Neerja is not a person or a movie - she is the spirit of womanhood that can make this world a much better place.

Selfie Madness

The news of a baby dolphin dying on a beach of Argentina after being passed around by people for clicking a selfie is heartbreaking.

Twitter declared 2014 as the year of Selfies. But since then selfies have evoked extreme reactions owing to the intensity and idiocy associated with the same.

The social media age has meant that one is bombarded with selfies every now and then. At some point you feel like the person has no other work except for clicking and posting selfies. Smarphones are their best weapons for shooting selfie volleys. The sheer intensity (number and repetitions) of selfies are nothing short of a social nuisance.

Selfies have driven people to the level of idiocy bordering on recklessness, insensitivity and even madness . People have clicked selfies at all the wrong places, wrong times and in wrong ways. When couple of heads of nations clicked smiling selfie during the funeral of Nelson Mandela, it was clear that mindlessness is not the sole proprietorship of commoners alone. People have lost lives in attempting to click selfies in front of moving train, cliff edges, perilous water currents and what not...

Selfies and Mental Disorder

University of Georgia Psychology Professor Keith Campebll study revealed that people take selfie for three major reasons - a) Self Absorption; b) Social Connection; and, c) Art.

Another study by Fox and Rooney has pointed to the fact that posting high number of selfies is related to high level of narcissism (extreme self-centerdness, grandiose view of oneself, sense of entitlement and excessive need to be admired by others) and psychopathy (impulsivity and lack of empathy). And those who tend to even edit their pictures have been found to have high degree of self-objectification (viewing one's body as an external object and basing one's self-worth on one's physicality).

What has been long suspected has been proved to be true by some other studies that go further and relate behavior of excessive selfie clicking and posting to narcissistic mental disorder. The easy and abundant access to mobile devices is only making the problem worse.

From a psychoanalysis view point narcissism is “self-centeredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder.”

The studies indicate that selfie habit could be an indication of high levels of anxiety and depression in a narcissistic person. The desire to get attention and praise of others that would fill the otherwise emptiness in one's life triggers selfie. Such people may laugh and behave normally as any other person but within themselves they may be really feeling bad. Their compelling need to feel good about themselves by what others think pushes them towards such selfie behaviour that is nothing short of a mental disorder. And like any other mental disease such people need help. The problem however remains that most people do not accept mental disorders or seek help. Perennial Selfie-clickers are no different.

What worries most is the fact that many selfie clickers are not only causing harm to themselves but also at times putting others in peril. The poor baby dolphin is the latest casualty to this selfie madness.

Will we see beyond selfie sticks and selfie songs, please!!!

Use PLASTIC to Save Nature - I am not kidding!

Myths

We all have heard the opposite haven't we? ..that use of plastic endangers our environment and that it cannot be recycled etc. etc.

That is not true at all.

These are myths spread by activists and those who have blindly followed the herd without questioning or reasoning.

By the way have you ever wondered that if we all start using paper bags how many more trees will be cut!! Will that not endanger the environment. With forest cover fast depleting that is least we can afford, right!!!

Reality

Waste plastic has been put to very good use. The best use of waste plastic comes as a raw material for constructing roads.

Jamshedpur Utilities and Services Company (JUSCO), a Tata Enterprise build roads in the steel city of India using waste plastic. The event was heralded by all major media houses as a true eco-friendly road ever built. JUSCO collected plastic bottles, bags, wrappers from various waste collection centers of the city, shredded them to the size of 2 mm to 4 mm and then used it to construct roads. The technique is completely non-hazardous and makes durable green roads.

In Bangalore a company K K Plastic Waste Management Ltd. situated on Kanakapura Road have been reusing plastic waste for building roads in Bangalore. They have till date constructed over 2000 kilometers of road in Bangalore using over 10000 tons of plastic waste, They have been recognized by CII (Confederation of Indian Industries) for their work.

(Watch Video)

Such techniques not only allow good disposal of plastic but also do not restrict correct usage of plastic. The trees are also protected as that reduces load on paper and jute.

Ban Plastics? Think Twice.

First the government passed the cost of plastic bags on the shoppers or the people. Now few state governments are contemplating banning plastic bags altogether, without offering any viable alternative.

Please will someone be more objective!!!

The truth is that the kind of portability and convenience that plastic offers is unmatched and not comparable to any other material. Taking that convenience away from people is not only unfair but also leaves people with poor choices.

Do not look at only plastic bags, most of things that we use in our homes and offices are made up if plastic.

Plastic is Recyclable - Stop Misuse and Not Use

The companies cited in the article and the work that they have done using waste plastic are ample evidences to show that plastic can be recycled.

We need to segregate plastic waste at source and ensure that such companies are intimated. They will happily collect all plastic and put it to good use without endangering nature or cutting down on people's convenience and comfort.

Appeal to Citizens

Please recognize the fact that plastic usage is not bad. Plastics can be disposed. Use plastic responsibly and segregate them at source. Citizen communities can collect all plastic waste and contact companies that collect plastic for adequate disposal and recycling.

Appeal to Governments

Please encourage companies like JUSCO and KK Plastic Waste Management and ensure that we have more such companies all across the nation. These will help make plastic use eco-friendly and also help us to have cheaper roads.

We just need to be wary 'plastic people' and not people using plastic!!! Someone listening...

Why Grass is more important than Kids?

In a residential gated community, a resident raised an objection on a group of kids playing football on the lawn, on the pretext that grass is getting spoiled. But then what he is saying must be right since he is a 'honourable' man even if it means that kids will not be able to play their favourite sport outdoors. So what if the grass in the lawn was already dry even before kids started to play!

Next day the manager of the property promptly swung into action and security guards came and shooed off the kids from the lawn. Efficient isn't it? Wish if they had been similarly efficient in solving other issues! But the manager and security guards are right in heeding to the advice of the 'honourable' man ... at least now we will see a patch of green grass. So what,, if that means that we will not be able to see a bunch of happy kids joyfully playing football anymore! At least now the place will resemble a resort.

It is another story that weeds at bird park have changed into a near trash, plants have outgrown at most places in the campus with weeds generously pooping out their heads... for some that patch of grass is most important to redeem. After all grass is always greener on the other side. And they are all 'honourable' men.

So what if the  manager and security are banning kids from a campus for which all residents have paid a lifetime maintenance charges. He will zealously upkeep the place even if it means that the property may be the only thing that may look healthy at the end. But he must be right for he is an 'honourable' man.

I am no enemy of grass but I am friends of kids and fan of their joy and smiles. And I am not alone. I am sure that there are people in this world who share similar sentiments -

Let grass grow,
but also let kids play.
Let them gulp fresh air,
and not drop their heads in despair.
Let their childhood have a life,
and not slice that in grass cutter's knife.
Let kids have a full cup,
and few of us need to grow up.

It is another thing that grass was only an excuse. In reality our life centers today around us and only us. Self-interest alone drives and not the joy of co-existence. But then grass is a good camouflage for every chameleon. And even chameleon is 'honourable' for he knows how to look like one.

Now that kids are in limbo the 'honourable' men can be happy and pat themselves on their back. Mission accomplished !?!

But you know what you can get kids out of the grass but you will never be able to take 'grass' out of the kids. They are like the mountain stream... they will find their way.


 

Let Go...

As a parent my toughest challenge will be to let go my son one day and let him live his own life; let him make his own decisions, even mistakes and let him learn and mature from them.

My love for him should not become selfish and I should not chain him in my expectations. Never ever to let myself believe that whatever I did for him was a big deal or worse even to make him feel that he owes something to me. For me it was a labour of love and such labours bear no expectations.

To set him free and allow him to live life by his own choices. That is not to stop caring but stop interfering once he is old enough to know what is right and what is not.

Love after all is not binding. It is liberating.

Love is a selfless pursuit in its purest form and does not expect anything in return.

Getting 'Even' in an 'Odd' Way - The Delhi-Belly Syndrome

How does the Delhi government tackle rising pollution and toxicity in the air? Well! it comes out with a odd-even formula, asking motorist to drive their vehicles on alternate days depending on whether their registration plates display an odd number or an even number.

What a brilliant brain wave from the Delhi administration! Could not have come out with a better solution! The only problem is that people's offices, schools, businesses do not open and close alternately on odd and even days...

So Delhiites are expected to walk to their engagements on the other day? Or may be Delhi government is suggesting that you have two cars - one with an even registration number plate and the other with an odd number. Problem solved! Car manufacturers are happy,. Government is happy and people - well! even if they are not happy atleast they can drive everyday. Learn to be contented! Even better, government may consider giving free bullock carts to Delhiites. That will eliminate pollution for sure!

Real Problems, Unrealistic Solutions...

Real problems call for real solutions and not unrealistic knee-jerk reactions tagged as solutions.

Rising pollution is a real problem, not only of Delhi but of most major centers in India. But then to only blame motorist for the same and penalize them is neither fair not the solution.

The fact is that most cities in India, including Delhi, have poor, unreliable and creaking public transport system. 

> The public transport system is not end to end. This means you can cannot rely on public transport to really take you from your origin all the way to your destination. 

> Then the frequency of public transport is low and irregular. This means you may or may not get a bus for your destination and/or you might have to wait for a long long time. People already burdened under long commutes  in metro centers of the country cannot afford the same.

> Overcrowding is another problem in public transport. With demand far outstripping supply, the buses and trains are overcrowded. Forget about place to sit, many a times there is not enough place to even stand. Very recently a heart rendering video of a Mumbai local train passenger latching perilously from the train before finally slipping and falling off on the tracks to his death, traumatized everyone in the nation.

> And if this is not enough then most staff on public transport in India are most unhelpful and ill-behaved. 

It was about 20 years back in Delhi that I myself experienced a near horror with a DTC bus. The bus was overcrowded and my stop was nearing. As is the unwritten rule, much before your stop is about to arrive, you must start making your way through the unrelenting crowd on the bus towards the front door of the bus (you are only allowed to alight from the bus using the front door). 

I luckily got near the front door before my stop arrived. As the request stop drew closer, the bus slowed down. In Delhi, many a times bus does not completely stop at request stops and you must practice to alight from a slow moving bus. 

As the bus came to a near halt, I began alighting from the bus. But hardly did my left foot touched down the ground that suddenly the bus accelerated. The momentum threw me on the ground and thanks to reflexes that I quickly retracted my left leg, else it would have been under the tyre of the bus. 

My hand was bleeding, my file and paper were scattered on the ground...and there were onlookers at the bus stop. No one came forward to help me. I gathered my wits and belonging, walked to the nearest hospital and got a first aid and a tetanus injection. This was not the first time I was traveling in a bus in Delhi. But when I think in retrospect, this could have happened to me on any of my trips. 

Thank God, I am alive.

Real Solutions

Does pollution in Delhi needs immediate action? You bet! definitely yes. But then one wonders why did successive governments and administration wait for these many years and let the situation slip away to this extent?

But then the only way to check pollution and discourage people from taking out their private vehicles on the road is to revamp the public transport system on a WAR-FOOTING. If public transport becomes reliable, fast, end-to-end and empathetic then most people will very naturally prefer to chose the same. 

After all in such crazy traffic who really wants to drive?

Added to this all polluting vehicles must be sent off-roads. Strict emission norms are needed; more than that their stringent implementation is necessary. Trucks, lorries, cabs and even government run buses at times are the biggest defaulters. but everyone gets a anti-pollution certificate! Why? How? We know it don't we?

Odd-Even is a poor unsustainable solution that will only bypass the problem and not really solve it. Next you know another racket of registration number plates may start in Delhi!

Wake-up Bangalore, Mumbai, Kolkata and the likes. Revamp the public transport system now and do not wait for the delhi-belly to hit you.

Violence against Women - Need to Revive the Nirbhaya (The Fearless) Soul

Violence and Apathy

"Sorry to say this. The only responsible is womens. Why God created to Mens, the one and only reason to protect women. If womens roaming outside in skirts, half pants, doing makeups and all these things will happens. Women better to serve their husband and children at home.Whatever the actions will take from the government they cannot protect women with that." - This was the first comment posted by a reader below a news report in largest English daily in India regarding a 30 year old woman allegedly gangraped near a tennis club in Bangalore by security guards about two weeks back,.  

The commentator obviously not only got his english grammar messed up but has got a sick mindset as well. Such comments are not new that malign and chastise women victims of violence and harassment, putting the blame on them instead on the perpetrator. 

Violence against women is not a new as well in this country. According to ‘United Nation Population Fund Report’, around two-third of married Indian women are victims of Domestic Violence attacks and as many as 70 per cent of married women in India between the age of 15 and 49 are victims of beating, rape or forced sex. In India, more than 55 percent of the women suffer from Domestic Violence, especially in the states of Bihar, U.P., M.P. and other northern states. But domestic violence is not the only violence that women face in India. Rape, Dowry related torture and deaths, female infanticide, molestation, incidents are rampant in the country.Recently a rising star director of the famous Bollywood film industry was arrested on charges of domestic violence against his wife that included harassment, forced medical treatment for lunacy and forcible custody of the couple's kids. No wonder India ranks 127th on gender inequality index out of 142 countries.

Several Voices...

In the recent times, especially after the Nirbhaya incident at the national capital Delhi, there have been rise in voice against such atrocities. Media has started to highlight such issues much more. The activists are trying to represent through petition signing and protests. Public in general has lot more curiosity and interest in knowing about such violence against women and girls.

There have been several voices in this nation who believe that lack of awareness among women about their rights especially legal rights, lack of women empowerment, social conditioning are the primary causes why such incidents occur. The drive for creating awareness by activists is more intense then before and NGOs working in such areas also seem to get a lot of foreign funding.

Worrisome Statistics - Pertinent Questions

Despite all this, you will be shocked to know that the statistics of violence against women has only shown sharp increase in the recent years over previous years. One would expect that after all this hue and cry and activism, the cases of violence against women will show decline. on the contrary, the incidents have not only increased but the boldness and the ruthlessness of the perpetrators have left everyone stunned. Nirbhaya like incident has been repeated in other parts of the country, including Bangalore. The sexual assault of baby girls in some Bangalore schools have traumatized people.

From cab drivers, to school instructors, from husbands to khap panchayats no one has left any stone unturned to make life more difficult for women. 

The question is WHY?

Why has statistics of violence against women shown rise over past years?
Why did awareness drives and activism did not yield desired results?
Why women continue to be brutalized in a nation where almost 50% of the population is of females?

The reality is baffling and does not seem to offer any respite.

Why Only Women Can Change the Tide...

The solution to end the pitiable state of women in this nation comes from women themselves. No one else can do what they can themselves do to stop violence and atrocities against them. History is evidence that revolutions have been successful only when the people themselves have risen against the tyrant. Until such time when each one individual has himself or herself realized the need for change within, the change never became possible. Women also face the same situation here today. Women need not be told to fight violence, the day they say enough is enough and each of them decide to fight this no matter what, the scenario will change. 

Traditional Arguments Do No Good to Women

I refuse to accept all traditional arguments of activists and disagree fundamentally with their approach of women betterment. 

Let us look at some such arguments and how they do not hold any mettle for improving the state of women in this country - 

Lack of awareness is the reason why women tolerate violence?

What awareness does a human being need to realize that they are being abused or brutalized or that they can be subject to violence at home or outside. No amount of awareness is bigger than basic human instinct. The decision to fight that or quietly tolerate the same is dependent on one's decision to do the same. Just because a women comes to know about her legal rights does not necessarily mean that she will decide to fight against her husband who beats her everyday. Instead, the day she decides that enough is enough, she will act towards ending the same. A woman's resolution and instinct beats all awareness drives.

A woman tolerates maltreatment for her kids!

This logic is often provided for cases of domestic violence - 'The woman has no choice but to quietly subjugate herself to the atrocities of her husband and his relatives because she cares for her children'. Actually, there could be nothing worse for a child than a violent household and to witness everyday their mother being treated like an animal. In fact they will not only get traumatized by the same, the experience could also make them loose all respect for women. The most brutal amongst the ones who brutalized Nirbhaya, a juvenile, has confessed to a childhood where he has witnessed his father beating and torturing his mother when he was a child.  Only a adequate fightback by such a woman will restore her respectability in front of her children and make them learn the right things in life. They may have hardships but will never grow up like their pathetic predecessors.

Social Conditioning is the reason girls learn to tolerate atrocities!
I agree that social conditioning results in mindsets but this is also true that it conditions differently. Take for instance a household where one of the child is a boy and the other is girl. In this household the father (dominant male) rules the roost, the boy (preferential male) is pampered and given preference over the girl child. Is this scenario common in India? You bet! But the question is will this condition the boy child and girl child similarly? Definitely not... 

The boy will perhaps grow up to a spoilt man, a worthless husband and a chauvinist male. While the girl child will grow up understanding that if she has to find her place under the sun, she will have to endure the heat beneath her feet. The girl will for sure grow up to be a woman who knows that she will have to fight for her survival. Social conditioning, in short, can never make women used to torture and violence.

Women are not financially empowered

Activists argue that lack of financial empowerment is the reason why women are brutalized in this country. Agree that women are not as financially empowered as men are but could that be the reason for them subject to violence. It will demeaning to even suggest that women tolerate domestic violence because they cannot fend for themselves. No self-respecting person would! And to suggest that for women is disrespecting them. Interestingly the path to financial empowerment in some instances have been paved by women themselves after they have broken the shackles put on them by the society and family. 

Only Men are responsible for violence against women?

In most of the dowry related bride harassment and bride burning cases, mother-in-law has been found to be as guilty as the groom or other male members of the family. Even in average families the preferential treatment to the boy child and bias towards daughter is meted by none other than the mother, many a times. It is myth that women and girls are only harassed or tortured by men. In many cases women are also involved. Not so long back the chairperson of a women commission supported the argument that modern dressing of girls is responsible for sexual violence against them. Again, only women can change such sick attitudes,

Society will change?

The solution for women will not come from the society or from men. Most men, barring a handful few, will never wish to give their dominant position away. Only women themselves can change the society. The condition of women have dramatically improved in Europe and America because of women themselves and not because of the society or men. The change has been felt by women, initiated by women and then society has been forced to change and accept them as equals.Not that scenario in such countries is perfect but surely is way better than in India.

In the backdrop of the fact that the juvenile offender in the Nirbhaya's case, the most brutal of all, is set to be released on Dec. 15 as he completes his sentence, I rest my case by saying that only WOMEN can change the tide and make this a better world for themselves. Activists and Chauvinists - both are equally useless in this mission.