Violence against Women - Need to Revive the Nirbhaya (The Fearless) Soul

Violence and Apathy

"Sorry to say this. The only responsible is womens. Why God created to Mens, the one and only reason to protect women. If womens roaming outside in skirts, half pants, doing makeups and all these things will happens. Women better to serve their husband and children at home.Whatever the actions will take from the government they cannot protect women with that." - This was the first comment posted by a reader below a news report in largest English daily in India regarding a 30 year old woman allegedly gangraped near a tennis club in Bangalore by security guards about two weeks back,.  

The commentator obviously not only got his english grammar messed up but has got a sick mindset as well. Such comments are not new that malign and chastise women victims of violence and harassment, putting the blame on them instead on the perpetrator. 

Violence against women is not a new as well in this country. According to ‘United Nation Population Fund Report’, around two-third of married Indian women are victims of Domestic Violence attacks and as many as 70 per cent of married women in India between the age of 15 and 49 are victims of beating, rape or forced sex. In India, more than 55 percent of the women suffer from Domestic Violence, especially in the states of Bihar, U.P., M.P. and other northern states. But domestic violence is not the only violence that women face in India. Rape, Dowry related torture and deaths, female infanticide, molestation, incidents are rampant in the country.Recently a rising star director of the famous Bollywood film industry was arrested on charges of domestic violence against his wife that included harassment, forced medical treatment for lunacy and forcible custody of the couple's kids. No wonder India ranks 127th on gender inequality index out of 142 countries.

Several Voices...

In the recent times, especially after the Nirbhaya incident at the national capital Delhi, there have been rise in voice against such atrocities. Media has started to highlight such issues much more. The activists are trying to represent through petition signing and protests. Public in general has lot more curiosity and interest in knowing about such violence against women and girls.

There have been several voices in this nation who believe that lack of awareness among women about their rights especially legal rights, lack of women empowerment, social conditioning are the primary causes why such incidents occur. The drive for creating awareness by activists is more intense then before and NGOs working in such areas also seem to get a lot of foreign funding.

Worrisome Statistics - Pertinent Questions

Despite all this, you will be shocked to know that the statistics of violence against women has only shown sharp increase in the recent years over previous years. One would expect that after all this hue and cry and activism, the cases of violence against women will show decline. on the contrary, the incidents have not only increased but the boldness and the ruthlessness of the perpetrators have left everyone stunned. Nirbhaya like incident has been repeated in other parts of the country, including Bangalore. The sexual assault of baby girls in some Bangalore schools have traumatized people.

From cab drivers, to school instructors, from husbands to khap panchayats no one has left any stone unturned to make life more difficult for women. 

The question is WHY?

Why has statistics of violence against women shown rise over past years?
Why did awareness drives and activism did not yield desired results?
Why women continue to be brutalized in a nation where almost 50% of the population is of females?

The reality is baffling and does not seem to offer any respite.

Why Only Women Can Change the Tide...

The solution to end the pitiable state of women in this nation comes from women themselves. No one else can do what they can themselves do to stop violence and atrocities against them. History is evidence that revolutions have been successful only when the people themselves have risen against the tyrant. Until such time when each one individual has himself or herself realized the need for change within, the change never became possible. Women also face the same situation here today. Women need not be told to fight violence, the day they say enough is enough and each of them decide to fight this no matter what, the scenario will change. 

Traditional Arguments Do No Good to Women

I refuse to accept all traditional arguments of activists and disagree fundamentally with their approach of women betterment. 

Let us look at some such arguments and how they do not hold any mettle for improving the state of women in this country - 

Lack of awareness is the reason why women tolerate violence?

What awareness does a human being need to realize that they are being abused or brutalized or that they can be subject to violence at home or outside. No amount of awareness is bigger than basic human instinct. The decision to fight that or quietly tolerate the same is dependent on one's decision to do the same. Just because a women comes to know about her legal rights does not necessarily mean that she will decide to fight against her husband who beats her everyday. Instead, the day she decides that enough is enough, she will act towards ending the same. A woman's resolution and instinct beats all awareness drives.

A woman tolerates maltreatment for her kids!

This logic is often provided for cases of domestic violence - 'The woman has no choice but to quietly subjugate herself to the atrocities of her husband and his relatives because she cares for her children'. Actually, there could be nothing worse for a child than a violent household and to witness everyday their mother being treated like an animal. In fact they will not only get traumatized by the same, the experience could also make them loose all respect for women. The most brutal amongst the ones who brutalized Nirbhaya, a juvenile, has confessed to a childhood where he has witnessed his father beating and torturing his mother when he was a child.  Only a adequate fightback by such a woman will restore her respectability in front of her children and make them learn the right things in life. They may have hardships but will never grow up like their pathetic predecessors.

Social Conditioning is the reason girls learn to tolerate atrocities!
I agree that social conditioning results in mindsets but this is also true that it conditions differently. Take for instance a household where one of the child is a boy and the other is girl. In this household the father (dominant male) rules the roost, the boy (preferential male) is pampered and given preference over the girl child. Is this scenario common in India? You bet! But the question is will this condition the boy child and girl child similarly? Definitely not... 

The boy will perhaps grow up to a spoilt man, a worthless husband and a chauvinist male. While the girl child will grow up understanding that if she has to find her place under the sun, she will have to endure the heat beneath her feet. The girl will for sure grow up to be a woman who knows that she will have to fight for her survival. Social conditioning, in short, can never make women used to torture and violence.

Women are not financially empowered

Activists argue that lack of financial empowerment is the reason why women are brutalized in this country. Agree that women are not as financially empowered as men are but could that be the reason for them subject to violence. It will demeaning to even suggest that women tolerate domestic violence because they cannot fend for themselves. No self-respecting person would! And to suggest that for women is disrespecting them. Interestingly the path to financial empowerment in some instances have been paved by women themselves after they have broken the shackles put on them by the society and family. 

Only Men are responsible for violence against women?

In most of the dowry related bride harassment and bride burning cases, mother-in-law has been found to be as guilty as the groom or other male members of the family. Even in average families the preferential treatment to the boy child and bias towards daughter is meted by none other than the mother, many a times. It is myth that women and girls are only harassed or tortured by men. In many cases women are also involved. Not so long back the chairperson of a women commission supported the argument that modern dressing of girls is responsible for sexual violence against them. Again, only women can change such sick attitudes,

Society will change?

The solution for women will not come from the society or from men. Most men, barring a handful few, will never wish to give their dominant position away. Only women themselves can change the society. The condition of women have dramatically improved in Europe and America because of women themselves and not because of the society or men. The change has been felt by women, initiated by women and then society has been forced to change and accept them as equals.Not that scenario in such countries is perfect but surely is way better than in India.

In the backdrop of the fact that the juvenile offender in the Nirbhaya's case, the most brutal of all, is set to be released on Dec. 15 as he completes his sentence, I rest my case by saying that only WOMEN can change the tide and make this a better world for themselves. Activists and Chauvinists - both are equally useless in this mission. 

Success ≠ Happiness (always)

> In a barbaric incident, a man was beaten to death in frontof his kids in a case heinous case of road rage in New Delhi. 

> Few days back amentally ill pilot of German Wings took down with him more than 150 unsuspecting passengers to dust and doom. The pilot had been diagnosed for having suicidal intentions earlier. Innocent lives were devastated by one man’s act of madness. 

> Couple of days back two pilots of Air India fought inside the cockpit during a flight. The co-pilot reportedly thrashed the pilot upon given certain instructions for work by the latter. For engaging in uncivil behaviour and for endangering the lives of hundreds of passengers on board, both pilots were derostered and inquiry is pending. 

Could they just be dismissed as separate stray indents of violence? A closer look reveals that all these incidents have one thing in common - People who engaged in extremely violent behaviour did so with little or no immediate provocation. Short fuse blowing up in a 'sudden death' is becoming common these days. Could this short fuse and sudden random violent behaviour be related to the worsening mental health of people?

The mental health statistics in India is worrisome and shows that a large percentage of people suffer from mental disorders. That should not be automatically equated with lunacy, but recognized like any other disease and treated. Unfortunately our social norms and perceptions are a barrier to the same. A World Health Organisation (WHO) report on suicides (2000-2012) puts India right on top of the list in Southeast Asia. In India 10.9 persons every lakh committ suicide; suicides being the second leading cause of death among people in the age group of 18-29 years. 

The rising levels of anxiety, stress, and depression is unwanted perk that comes with modern day living in an uncertain but busy world and uncertain but turbulent times. Most of the jobs these days are high stress ones, leaving very little to chance or margin for error. Jobs, organizations, institutions may disappear suddenly because of economic calamity or terror attacks. Modern day living also comes with zero personal space, very little privacy and high peer pressure on social media. 

Most of people live their life on EMIs. Loss of jobs suddenly means crashing of income and inability to pay EMI. That may mean doom for many. Health Stress is also at an all-time high. Number of young people with cardiac problems or high blood pressure has increased drastically. Audrey Tsui calls this ‘Cost of Rising Prosperity’.

Stress, anxiety and depression problems are not only in adults but also amongst kids. They face intense competition. A ‘Winner takes it all’ kind of culture has been created for them, mostly by parents and teachers who themselves faced with fast-paced competitive world think that their kids need to outperform every time. That creates undue high expectations from the kids, who many times crumble under pressure. The rising number of teen suicides is an ample testimony to the kind of pressures they are subjected to.

The vicious cycle of Anxiety, Stress and Depression is a silent killer till it all explodes one day. Worst, people either do not realize that they suffer from anxiety or stress or they fear to come out in the open for fear of social stigma. 

When Deepika Padukone, a famous Bollywood celebrity, openly talked about facing depression herself, the frailties of the modern world was exposed. Success always does not mean happiness as well. Deepika after all is one of the most successful stars. But kudos to her for coming out in the open and sharing with the world. That should motivate few more to do the same and seek solutions to their mental problems.

Stress and depression is like a silent bomb ticking away, waiting to explode. And when it does, it does so with devastating effect.  Effective measures are important to deal with the same. The measures may be both preventive and curative. 

However first recognizing poor mental health as an urgent pressing problem, not only at a media or thinker-group level but also at institutional and societal levels, is important. That will ease the social norms and make it safe for people to come out in the open and seek remedies for their mental health issues. 

It is important to remember that all it may take many time to relieve stress/anxiety may be a listening ear, a compassionate heart and a healing touch. Do not forget to extend that to whoever you can.

For more read, You Can Beat Your Stress

Why Indian Women continue to face Brutal Sexual and Physical Violence?

Violence against women goes unabated in India. In the latest, two girls were gang-raped in a remote town of a northern state in India and then mercilessly hung from a tree. Reportedly, delay in police action failed to save the lives of the girls. To add to the tragedy and misery the state chief minister, under pressure from the scribes over rising cases of violence in the state, made a comment that lacked sensitivity or concern. When asked repeatedly about the safety of women in the state, he reportedly shot back at the journos and asked them - I hope you have face no danger. The comment has not gone down well with anyone and the opposition has already made it an issue. But beyond all the politics, family of the girls continue to face attacks and reel under unimaginable trauma. Their lives have been scared beyond repair.

Women in this part of the world including India continue to face sexual and brutal physical violence. Media has highlighted such incidents especially after the Delhi gang rape incident, raising public awareness. Some steps have been taken by governments like setting up women cell etc Despite all this incidents of such violence keeps happening that are emotionally draining for many people like me.

The question is why? Why sexual and physical violence against women continues in India?

Philip Zimbardo in his work - 'The Psychology of Evil' has perhaps the answer. What Zimbardo calls 'Lucifer Effect' explains that an individual behaviour is determined by three things - Individual disposition ( that is what is inside the individual); situation; and finally the system. Simply speaking it means that every individual has both good and bad inside and a bad situation brings the bad out of a person. The system that has various variables cultural, social etc. shapes the situation or in other words make a situation good or bad.

To say India is culturally, socially a male dominant society is a partial representation. Male domination in this nation in its fullest sense means that women are considered secondary in society. They are expected to conform with male norms of existence failing which they are subjected to abuse and torture. Male and female children are not brought up similarly in the same family. Girls are always asked to learn to adjust first to what her family wants, then what society wants, then what husband & in-laws want and finally even what children want. Boys grow up seeing their mothers and sisters given second class treatment and are never taught to respect girls and women. They grow expecting women to follow their orders without questioning. Such a 'system' creates a situation that makes insensitive men who have scant respect for women and in many cases women are objectified by men.

Most men end up mistreating women, in simplest form it happens as bad stares, lewd comments or eve-teasing; and in its most ugly & brutal form as rape and murder of women. Otherwise what explains recent cases of highly educated men in responsible positions engaging in obscene comments and acts on women. At the same time even juvenile boys are accused of sexual crime on women.

Do all men turn out like that?
No. There are heroes as well that come out of a bad situation. That may be because some aspects of their social variable was different. May be they grew up in very good families or may be they experienced in some way such torture on women and were exposed to such trauma at an early age. The micro-environment variable could also play a role. Certain states are less male dominant then the other.

Is there a hope for women?
Behaviour alteration requires alteration of situational variables, in this case cultural and social factors. However cultural and social transformation do not happen in a day. They take time. In case of India it will first require alteration in beliefs. That's not happening any sooner as well. In fact very recent casual and mild description of rapists by some politicians has shocked many like me in this nation. Then?

I reiterate judiciary is the only hope. Fast tracking of such cases and death penalty to rapists with unfailing regularity is the only way out. This is will disrupt the current social norm and hence the situation  from current state of almost indifference. A sense of Fear in the situation can be the only deterrent.

For stopping sexual and physical violence on women judicial proactivism is the only way. New tougher laws need to be enacted and implemented.

Whenever such initiatives start some social activists stand up against death penalty to criminals. Some one Please stand up for victim and stop empathizing with those who brutalize and demonize girls and women. These animals are beyond reform and need to be eliminated to protect the innocent.

Fear of justice needs to be instilled to change the social order.

Remember, the Lucifer effect! The system variables have to be altered to alter the situation and hence the behaviour.